Day 65

So here we are...Day 65. Or as I like to call it, D and C Eve. Pretty sure there are cards being made by Hallmark right now. Also, for future reference, the traditional D and C Eve meal is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I know you were wondering.

If you're totally confused about what's going on, catch up with the prior installments...I'm told they're entertaining but I'll let you be the judge:

Day 64
Day 59
Day 58
Day 52

Tomorrow's Agenda:

8:00 a.m. - Picked up by my good friend Marcie
8:30 a.m. - Check in
9:00 a.m. - Party time! No wait...
9:30 a.m. - Things should be over and I'll be headed into recovery
11:00 a.m. (ish) - Chauffeured home by Marcie

I expect to be fairly out of it for a few hours after I get home but I also expect to be starving and will likely dispatch Marcie for McDonald's. Or Panera. Or Tacos. Who knows?!

It's likely I won't know anything about what they find (or don't find) for about two weeks. Apparently they have to pony express the tissue to the lab and await for the results to be delivered by carrier pigeon. Two weeks? Really? Never mind. I don't even know why I'm surprised.

Anyway...to all of you who've called, emailed, messaged, posted here, Facebooked (yes, that's a word), etc., thank you. You are all awesome and I am blessed to have each of you in my life.

I'll let you know how things are once I'm lucid again. Or maybe I'll blog when I'm still hopped up on the anesthesia. That could be fun for all of us. Until then...

Day 64

That's right. Day Sixty Four. SIXTY FREAKING FOUR!!!!

Catch up here if you've missed the prior installments:

Day 59
Day 58
Day 52

Be prepared. Today's post is a teensy bit more graphic than the prior ones and I'm a teensy bit more cranky.

So I went to the doctor today for a pre-op visit. I figured they'd talk me through the procedure, make me sign some forms and send me on my way. Yes. I was delusional.

When I got into the office everything seemed a little frantic and they didn't even take my co-pay before I went back to the exam room. When does THAT ever happen? Anyway, the gal that took me back seemed out of sorts, talking really fast and out of breath. She set me up to watch a 7-minute video about the procedure. I could hardly wait.

The video started and it looked like it had been made by a junior high school class of kids learning how to use a camera. The graphics were from approximately 1978 and the clothing on the women was not far behind. It started with this woman who was supposed to be a newscaster and the video was so old that you couldn't even see her face. She introduced the video as though it was going to be the most exciting thing I'd ever seen and let me and the audience members know that we were going to be hearing from a doctor about the procedure.

This doctor was so uncomfortable on screen it was embarrassing. She had a perpetual frown and could barely look at the camera. All I could think while I was watching her was, "If she was performing the procedure on me I would cry just from her voice." And also, "This is soooo going in my blog."

Anyway, she explained the procedure and a semi-automated graphic popped on the screen showing a cross cut of the vagina and how the tools are going to be inserted and what they're going to do. She's got samples of the tools to show us too. Awesome! It honestly didn't look that tragic but she made it sound like it could be the worst thing that ever happened to a person.

The next part of the video was the best - questions from the audience. And let me just say that the audience members on the video...wow...these woman were 60 years old if they were a day. I'm thinking, haven't they gone through menopause? Why would they be having this done? But whatever...there they were.

The doctor answered their oh-so-spontaneous questions and made the whole thing seem terrifying by telling us about the risks and horrible things that could go wrong that might lead to more surgeries. I think it was at that point that I started to freak out a little. But then the video ended with the newscaster and her chippy voice thanking the doctor and bidding us all farewell.

Yeah. That's 7 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Things took a turn for the worse after that. The doctor came in and told me she was going to try her best to do the procedure but because it was so hard for her to even do my exam she was concerned about being able to get the tools inside. What?! I can't be the first virgin to have this exam done. There aren't smaller tools? There isn't better technology? Really??? She just said over and over again that she'd try and when I asked what the next option was if she couldn't do the procedure she said, "Well, it would be a hysterectomy." Seriously?! There's nothing between a D&C and a hysterectomy? I find that extremely hard to believe.

She then goes on to inform me that because I'm overweight I'm at very high risk for cancer and she really wants to get the procedure done to rule that out. Well thanks for that. I feel 300% better now.

She finishes up her spectacular visit by letting me know what I need to do to prepare for the procedure. Get ready. This is fun.

First - "Get some KY jelly from the pharmacy, put it on your fingers and insert them in your vagina and stretch...5 times a day before Thursday." There were hand motions for this too. Yeah. You read that right. Hand.Motions. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. The thought of buying the jelly sort of curdled my stomach and then doing that? Yeah. I'm seeing that happen.

Second - "I'm prescribing this medication and you will take one pill orally tomorrow night [I gulped imagining why she was so precise about saying orally] and then you will put one inside your vagina." She then changes that to say I will put two inside my vagina. Oh dear God. Is she kidding me? I'll repeat this same thing the morning of the procedure.

Yeah. That actually happened. I was in the pharmacy to pick up the medicine, which of course wasn't ready, and there were so many people that I seriously couldn't bring myself to wander around and find the jelly. I think I will go back around midnight because I really don't need other people checking out my purchases.

So that's where we are. And now I feel that I need to go buy something shiny to make up for all of this drama!!

I was feeling much better when I recorded this Happy New Year message over the weekend...now I just feel ill. And cranky. And irritated. 

Happy New Year!

Day 59

It's Day 59. In case you missed Day 52 or Day 58, you should read those first. Or you can just pretend you know what's happening and dive into this post. As I've stated in my prior two posts this is girl stuff, so if you're not a girl, or if you're a girl who doesn't like to read about girl stuff, you should stop reading now. 

After yesterday's post I waited about an hour before my doctor's nurse called me back. I told her what was happening and she said the doctor actually wasn't in but she'd talk to her today and get back to me. And then she reiterated that I should be in bed resting. So after I ate dinner and watched the first period of the Sharks game I actually got in bed. And yes, that's a stuffed animal in bed with me. A girl's gotta have some comfort!

Things were still semi-heavy last night and woke me up very early this morning, but they seem to have settled down a bit now. Maybe there's something to this resting thing after all. I decided to give it a shot and stayed in my bed until approximately 11:15 today when my stomach was growling so loudly that I forced myself to get up and make some food.

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you'll know that in the midst of cooking I set off my downstairs AND upstairs smoke alarms, further proving my point that eating out should always be my first choice.

After eating my pork chop and French fries I settled in for some delightful afternoon TV and finally got a call back from my doctor's office.

As you may recall I had an appointment scheduled for next Friday, January 6, to review the results of my blood work and ultrasound. As you may also recall I was not pleased about it. Well, now I have an appointment on Tuesday - still not clear why they couldn't fit me in today, but whatever - and I have an appointment next Thursday to have a D & C procedure done, which is supposed to fix this problem. If you're not sure what that is, click on the link and WebMD will tell you all about it.

Anyway...I now feel like I'm going to get some relief from this, but I'm really not clear why it took so freaking long!!

Thanks again for all of your good thoughts and wishes. I'll keep you posted!

Day 58

In case you missed the first post about the health situation I'm dealing with, check out Day 52. I'm now on Day 58 and as I just posted on Twitter and Facebook, I could not be more done if I tried.

And again boys...you may not wish to read any further...

Since my last blog about this oh-so-joyous situation I heard back from the doctor and was given an appointment on January 6 to discuss the results of the ultrasound. Really? More than two weeks after the exam? I assumed this delay was due to the holidays and resigned myself to the fact that it was my only option. They told me nothing about the blood work and didn't ask how things were going and I was in my office so didn't really feel like sharing. But the fact was, and is, that nothing has changed. NOTHING.


That rest they told me to take? Yeah. That didn't change anything. My period is still alive and well though seems to be more finicky. I've actually had a couple of days where it was very light and I thought maybe, just maybe, I was getting through things. HA! Negative ghost rider. The day after the light days, it just doubles itself up and gets mean. 


That's pretty much what happened today.


Life was great yesterday. I've been resting quite a bit since I'm on vacation and just doing a few things here and there. I went to the salon yesterday - relaxing - and also to the DMV. Granted, that wasn't relaxing, but I had an appointment so was only there 30 minutes. Then I came home and rested before meeting a friend for dinner. Dinner's relaxing, right? Yes. It is. And I went to bed thinking life was good. That maybe things were finally looking up.


When I woke up this morning I realized how wrong I was. Things were moderate when I crawled out of bed but still much heavier than yesterday. Fine. Whatever. I'm dealing with this thing now so I just left to meet my friend for a movie and lunch. It was in the middle of the movie that I felt things getting ugly but I feared standing up and creating a scene so I waited until the movie was over and scurried to the bathroom where I felt like a teenager who was ill-prepared for her time of the month. Not to be gross but, well, it was gross. And it was a flood. And I almost cried in the bathroom of the movie theatre. I didn't though. Instead, I wrapped my sweatshirt around my waist, backwards, and told my friend I couldn't do lunch because I had to go home. He was already in the know about everything and was very understanding but I was MAD.

I grumbled the whole way home and debated driving myself to Urgent Care in hopes that maybe someone there would take some action but I decided to come home and clean up and see how the rest of the day went. After doing so and realizing that things were back to a more moderate state I hemmed and hawed and decided to cancel everything I had planned for tonight and tomorrow just to be on the safe side. That's when I got really mad. This is now interfering with my life in greater ways and I AM DONE.

I just called the doctor's office and, surprise! She's actually working this week. Why couldn't they get me an appointment this week to go over the results? Seriously displeased. I talked to the receptionist who freaked out when I told her what day of my period I was on then put me on hold while she tried to get the doctor's nurse to come to the phone. Unfortunately she was with a patient and couldn't talk to me so now I'm sitting here waiting for a call back and wondering if this ridiculousness will ever end.

Like I said, I really do feel fine...there's no pain of any sort, just embarrassment today and complete and total irritation. Thanks to all of you for your good thoughts and prayers. I'll keep you posted...