Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The end...or the beginning...I don't know anymore...

So, yesterday was a double doctor sort of day. I finally got to my post-op appointment with my ob/gyn - after being put off last Friday and now have a plan of action for moving forward. It's called taking hormones to counteract the extra estrogen my body is apparently producing, which caused numerous polyps to form. Those got removed during the surgery a few weeks back and were all benign. But because of the extra estrogen they could easily form again so thus, the hormones. Neat.

Doctor number two sent me for a chest x-ray because I've been feeling sick since last Wednesday night and had a fever of 102ish on Sunday and between 101 and 102 yesterday coupled with a cough that would scare small children. The chest x-ray confirmed her thoughts...pneumonia. Well sure. Because I can't go a week without something being wrong. I was already on antibiotics, which she assures me are going to bring the fever down. So far today I still have it and will be retreating back to my bed shortly. I had to get up to eat but I'm starting to think that was completely overrated.

So I'm home for a few days...not sure how long...depends on the fever and how I feel. So, I'm recovered from one thing only to be thrown into another thing. I'm more than ready to be healthy again!

On the up side, I got these gorgeous flowers from my mom...she's the best.


Saturday, January 7, 2012

Day 68

Or as I like to call it...after the morning after (one of my favorite Todd Carey songs)...if you're behind on this little saga, feel free to catch up with the prior installments...

Day 65 . Day 64 . Day 59 . Day 58 . Day 52

The words of the day are "mild discomfort". It's definitely not pain, just annoyance. Which I'm pretty sure is good. And it's better today than it was yesterday. Mainly, I just feel like doing nothing. And I'm really good at it.

I started to blog on Thursday evening, after the anesthesia was mostly worn off, but I just couldn't do it. It seemed hard to be pithy. It still seems hard but I figured it was time to just do it and not worry about the lack of pith. Bottom line, things went as expected and now it's all about recovering and waiting for results. Whee!

Many, many thanks to my friend Marcie who chauffeured me to and from the surgery center, brought me McDonald's and hung out all afternoon to make sure I didn't fall down the stairs or anything. She also got the special pleasure of seeing me after I took the pain pill. I hoped it would make me sleepy but it did exactly the opposite. I was loopy and bouncy and am pretty sure I was talking really fast. Mostly, I paced around the upstairs of my house, wandering from my bedroom to the bathroom and back. Every now and then I tried to lay down but it just wasn't comfortable, neither was sitting, so standing and pacing was it. I kept thinking I'd just drop at some point but it didn't happen until much later in the night. Overall it was a fairly calm afternoon and evening. Also, I got some awesome flowers from my mom and a most excellent t-shirt from my friend Colleen.



Yesterday, I called the doctor's office twice in about ten minutes...I had to make a follow up appointment then kept asking questions...

Question One: Is there anything I can take for the sore throat from the breathing tube? And how long will the soreness last?
Answer: Just a few days. Drink lots of hot liquids, tea, water, etc. Throat lozenges are fine too. Cepacol are the best ones.
Reaction: Cool.
Outcome: Hot tea rules. Lozenges are lame. Friend bought them at the store but they have made no difference. I'm going to make more tea. Which only makes me have to go to the bathroom more.

Question Two: How long will the burning last and is there anything I can do about it?
Answer: Just a few days. When you're going to the bathroom, pour 32 ounces of cold water down there at the same time.
Reaction: Seriously?
Outcome: Water on the floor. Every time. But, less burning too.


Bonus of today so far: I can go to the bathroom without anything burning. Yes. I know it's graphic but hey, this whole thing has been graphic so you'll get over it. Or you'll stop reading. And that will be that.

Thanks to my friend Stacy who brought me the Cepacol yesterday, as well as Extra Strength Tylenol and McDonald's. I'm not sure what helped me the most but I think it was the McDonald's. It seems to be the only thing I'm actually craving. And I want it right now! Maybe I'll get dressed and go get it. Or maybe it will magically appear in my kitchen when I walk downstairs. It could happen. 


Anyway, mostly I'm good. I won't have any results for a couple of weeks but there's no reason to think things aren't fine. Thanks again to everyone who called, emailed, messaged, etc. I am extremely blessed.


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Day 65

So here we are...Day 65. Or as I like to call it, D and C Eve. Pretty sure there are cards being made by Hallmark right now. Also, for future reference, the traditional D and C Eve meal is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I know you were wondering.




If you're totally confused about what's going on, catch up with the prior installments...I'm told they're entertaining but I'll let you be the judge:

Day 64
Day 59
Day 58
Day 52

Tomorrow's Agenda:

8:00 a.m. - Picked up by my good friend Marcie
8:30 a.m. - Check in
9:00 a.m. - Party time! No wait...
9:30 a.m. - Things should be over and I'll be headed into recovery
11:00 a.m. (ish) - Chauffeured home by Marcie

I expect to be fairly out of it for a few hours after I get home but I also expect to be starving and will likely dispatch Marcie for McDonald's. Or Panera. Or Tacos. Who knows?!

It's likely I won't know anything about what they find (or don't find) for about two weeks. Apparently they have to pony express the tissue to the lab and await for the results to be delivered by carrier pigeon. Two weeks? Really? Never mind. I don't even know why I'm surprised.

Anyway...to all of you who've called, emailed, messaged, posted here, Facebooked (yes, that's a word), etc., thank you. You are all awesome and I am blessed to have each of you in my life.

I'll let you know how things are once I'm lucid again. Or maybe I'll blog when I'm still hopped up on the anesthesia. That could be fun for all of us. Until then...

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Day 64

That's right. Day Sixty Four. SIXTY FREAKING FOUR!!!!

Catch up here if you've missed the prior installments:

Day 59
Day 58
Day 52

Be prepared. Today's post is a teensy bit more graphic than the prior ones and I'm a teensy bit more cranky.

So I went to the doctor today for a pre-op visit. I figured they'd talk me through the procedure, make me sign some forms and send me on my way. Yes. I was delusional.

When I got into the office everything seemed a little frantic and they didn't even take my co-pay before I went back to the exam room. When does THAT ever happen? Anyway, the gal that took me back seemed out of sorts, talking really fast and out of breath. She set me up to watch a 7-minute video about the procedure. I could hardly wait.

The video started and it looked like it had been made by a junior high school class of kids learning how to use a camera. The graphics were from approximately 1978 and the clothing on the women was not far behind. It started with this woman who was supposed to be a newscaster and the video was so old that you couldn't even see her face. She introduced the video as though it was going to be the most exciting thing I'd ever seen and let me and the audience members know that we were going to be hearing from a doctor about the procedure.

This doctor was so uncomfortable on screen it was embarrassing. She had a perpetual frown and could barely look at the camera. All I could think while I was watching her was, "If she was performing the procedure on me I would cry just from her voice." And also, "This is soooo going in my blog."

Anyway, she explained the procedure and a semi-automated graphic popped on the screen showing a cross cut of the vagina and how the tools are going to be inserted and what they're going to do. She's got samples of the tools to show us too. Awesome! It honestly didn't look that tragic but she made it sound like it could be the worst thing that ever happened to a person.

The next part of the video was the best - questions from the audience. And let me just say that the audience members on the video...wow...these woman were 60 years old if they were a day. I'm thinking, haven't they gone through menopause? Why would they be having this done? But whatever...there they were.

The doctor answered their oh-so-spontaneous questions and made the whole thing seem terrifying by telling us about the risks and horrible things that could go wrong that might lead to more surgeries. I think it was at that point that I started to freak out a little. But then the video ended with the newscaster and her chippy voice thanking the doctor and bidding us all farewell.

Yeah. That's 7 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Things took a turn for the worse after that. The doctor came in and told me she was going to try her best to do the procedure but because it was so hard for her to even do my exam she was concerned about being able to get the tools inside. What?! I can't be the first virgin to have this exam done. There aren't smaller tools? There isn't better technology? Really??? She just said over and over again that she'd try and when I asked what the next option was if she couldn't do the procedure she said, "Well, it would be a hysterectomy." Seriously?! There's nothing between a D&C and a hysterectomy? I find that extremely hard to believe.

She then goes on to inform me that because I'm overweight I'm at very high risk for cancer and she really wants to get the procedure done to rule that out. Well thanks for that. I feel 300% better now.

She finishes up her spectacular visit by letting me know what I need to do to prepare for the procedure. Get ready. This is fun.

First - "Get some KY jelly from the pharmacy, put it on your fingers and insert them in your vagina and stretch...5 times a day before Thursday." There were hand motions for this too. Yeah. You read that right. Hand.Motions. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. The thought of buying the jelly sort of curdled my stomach and then doing that? Yeah. I'm seeing that happen.

Second - "I'm prescribing this medication and you will take one pill orally tomorrow night [I gulped imagining why she was so precise about saying orally] and then you will put one inside your vagina." She then changes that to say I will put two inside my vagina. Oh dear God. Is she kidding me? I'll repeat this same thing the morning of the procedure.

Yeah. That actually happened. I was in the pharmacy to pick up the medicine, which of course wasn't ready, and there were so many people that I seriously couldn't bring myself to wander around and find the jelly. I think I will go back around midnight because I really don't need other people checking out my purchases.

So that's where we are. And now I feel that I need to go buy something shiny to make up for all of this drama!!

I was feeling much better when I recorded this Happy New Year message over the weekend...now I just feel ill. And cranky. And irritated. 

Sunday, January 1, 2012