it is yay

The end...or the beginning...I don't know anymore...

2012-01-24T11:41:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday was a double doctor sort of day. I finally got to my post-op appointment with my ob/gyn - after being put off last Friday and now have a plan of action for moving forward. It's called taking hormones to counteract the extra estrogen my body is apparently producing, which caused numerous polyps to form. Those got removed during the surgery a few weeks back and were all benign. But because of the extra estrogen they could easily form again so thus, the hormones. Neat.

Doctor number two sent me for a chest x-ray because I've been feeling sick since last Wednesday night and had a fever of 102ish on Sunday and between 101 and 102 yesterday coupled with a cough that would scare small children. The chest x-ray confirmed her thoughts...pneumonia. Well sure. Because I can't go a week without something being wrong. I was already on antibiotics, which she assures me are going to bring the fever down. So far today I still have it and will be retreating back to my bed shortly. I had to get up to eat but I'm starting to think that was completely overrated.

So I'm home for a few days...not sure how long...depends on the fever and how I feel. So, I'm recovered from one thing only to be thrown into another thing. I'm more than ready to be healthy again!

On the up side, I got these gorgeous flowers from my mom...she's the best.

Day 68

2012-01-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

Or as I like to call it...after the morning after (one of my favorite Todd Carey songs)...if you're behind on this little saga, feel free to catch up with the prior installments...

Day 65 . Day 64 . Day 59 . Day 58 . Day 52

The words of the day are "mild discomfort". It's definitely not pain, just annoyance. Which I'm pretty sure is good. And it's better today than it was yesterday. Mainly, I just feel like doing nothing. And I'm really good at it.

I started to blog on Thursday evening, after the anesthesia was mostly worn off, but I just couldn't do it. It seemed hard to be pithy. It still seems hard but I figured it was time to just do it and not worry about the lack of pith. Bottom line, things went as expected and now it's all about recovering and waiting for results. Whee!

Many, many thanks to my friend Marcie who chauffeured me to and from the surgery center, brought me McDonald's and hung out all afternoon to make sure I didn't fall down the stairs or anything. She also got the special pleasure of seeing me after I took the pain pill. I hoped it would make me sleepy but it did exactly the opposite. I was loopy and bouncy and am pretty sure I was talking really fast. Mostly, I paced around the upstairs of my house, wandering from my bedroom to the bathroom and back. Every now and then I tried to lay down but it just wasn't comfortable, neither was sitting, so standing and pacing was it. I kept thinking I'd just drop at some point but it didn't happen until much later in the night. Overall it was a fairly calm afternoon and evening. Also, I got some awesome flowers from my mom and a most excellent t-shirt from my friend Colleen.

Yesterday, I called the doctor's office twice in about ten minutes...I had to make a follow up appointment then kept asking questions...

Question One: Is there anything I can take for the sore throat from the breathing tube? And how long will the soreness last?
Answer: Just a few days. Drink lots of hot liquids, tea, water, etc. Throat lozenges are fine too. Cepacol are the best ones.
Reaction: Cool.
Outcome: Hot tea rules. Lozenges are lame. Friend bought them at the store but they have made no difference. I'm going to make more tea. Which only makes me have to go to the bathroom more.

Question Two: How long will the burning last and is there anything I can do about it?
Answer: Just a few days. When you're going to the bathroom, pour 32 ounces of cold water down there at the same time.
Reaction: Seriously?
Outcome: Water on the floor. Every time. But, less burning too.

Bonus of today so far: I can go to the bathroom without anything burning. Yes. I know it's graphic but hey, this whole thing has been graphic so you'll get over it. Or you'll stop reading. And that will be that.

Thanks to my friend Stacy who brought me the Cepacol yesterday, as well as Extra Strength Tylenol and McDonald's. I'm not sure what helped me the most but I think it was the McDonald's. It seems to be the only thing I'm actually craving. And I want it right now! Maybe I'll get dressed and go get it. Or maybe it will magically appear in my kitchen when I walk downstairs. It could happen.

Anyway, mostly I'm good. I won't have any results for a couple of weeks but there's no reason to think things aren't fine. Thanks again to everyone who called, emailed, messaged, etc. I am extremely blessed.

Day 65

2012-01-04T19:20:00.000-08:00

So here we are...Day 65. Or as I like to call it, D and C Eve. Pretty sure there are cards being made by Hallmark right now. Also, for future reference, the traditional D and C Eve meal is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I know you were wondering.

If you're totally confused about what's going on, catch up with the prior installments...I'm told they're entertaining but I'll let you be the judge:

Day 64
Day 59
Day 58
Day 52

Tomorrow's Agenda:

8:00 a.m. - Picked up by my good friend Marcie
8:30 a.m. - Check in
9:00 a.m. - Party time! No wait...
9:30 a.m. - Things should be over and I'll be headed into recovery
11:00 a.m. (ish) - Chauffeured home by Marcie

I expect to be fairly out of it for a few hours after I get home but I also expect to be starving and will likely dispatch Marcie for McDonald's. Or Panera. Or Tacos. Who knows?!

It's likely I won't know anything about what they find (or don't find) for about two weeks. Apparently they have to pony express the tissue to the lab and await for the results to be delivered by carrier pigeon. Two weeks? Really? Never mind. I don't even know why I'm surprised.

Anyway...to all of you who've called, emailed, messaged, posted here, Facebooked (yes, that's a word), etc., thank you. You are all awesome and I am blessed to have each of you in my life.

I'll let you know how things are once I'm lucid again. Or maybe I'll blog when I'm still hopped up on the anesthesia. That could be fun for all of us. Until then...

Day 64

2012-01-03T15:45:00.000-08:00

That's right. Day Sixty Four. SIXTY FREAKING FOUR!!!!

Catch up here if you've missed the prior installments:

Day 59
Day 58
Day 52

Be prepared. Today's post is a teensy bit more graphic than the prior ones and I'm a teensy bit more cranky.

So I went to the doctor today for a pre-op visit. I figured they'd talk me through the procedure, make me sign some forms and send me on my way. Yes. I was delusional.

When I got into the office everything seemed a little frantic and they didn't even take my co-pay before I went back to the exam room. When does THAT ever happen? Anyway, the gal that took me back seemed out of sorts, talking really fast and out of breath. She set me up to watch a 7-minute video about the procedure. I could hardly wait.

The video started and it looked like it had been made by a junior high school class of kids learning how to use a camera. The graphics were from approximately 1978 and the clothing on the women was not far behind. It started with this woman who was supposed to be a newscaster and the video was so old that you couldn't even see her face. She introduced the video as though it was going to be the most exciting thing I'd ever seen and let me and the audience members know that we were going to be hearing from a doctor about the procedure.

This doctor was so uncomfortable on screen it was embarrassing. She had a perpetual frown and could barely look at the camera. All I could think while I was watching her was, "If she was performing the procedure on me I would cry just from her voice." And also, "This is soooo going in my blog."

Anyway, she explained the procedure and a semi-automated graphic popped on the screen showing a cross cut of the vagina and how the tools are going to be inserted and what they're going to do. She's got samples of the tools to show us too. Awesome! It honestly didn't look that tragic but she made it sound like it could be the worst thing that ever happened to a person.

The next part of the video was the best - questions from the audience. And let me just say that the audience members on the video...wow...these woman were 60 years old if they were a day. I'm thinking, haven't they gone through menopause? Why would they be having this done? But whatever...there they were.

The doctor answered their oh-so-spontaneous questions and made the whole thing seem terrifying by telling us about the risks and horrible things that could go wrong that might lead to more surgeries. I think it was at that point that I started to freak out a little. But then the video ended with the newscaster and her chippy voice thanking the doctor and bidding us all farewell.

Yeah. That's 7 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Things took a turn for the worse after that. The doctor came in and told me she was going to try her best to do the procedure but because it was so hard for her to even do my exam she was concerned about being able to get the tools inside. What?! I can't be the first virgin to have this exam done. There aren't smaller tools? There isn't better technology? Really??? She just said over and over again that she'd try and when I asked what the next option was if she couldn't do the procedure she said, "Well, it would be a hysterectomy." Seriously?! There's nothing between a D&C and a hysterectomy? I find that extremely hard to believe.

She then goes on to inform me that because I'm overweight I'm at very high risk for cancer and she really wants to get the procedure done to rule that out. Well thanks for that. I feel 300% better now.

She finishes up her spectacular visit by letting me know what I need to do to prepare for the procedure. Get ready. This is fun.

First - "Get some KY jelly from the pharmacy, put it on your fingers and insert them in your vagina and stretch...5 times a day before Thursday." There were hand motions for this too. Yeah. You read that right. Hand.Motions. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. The thought of buying the jelly sort of curdled my stomach and then doing that? Yeah. I'm seeing that happen.

Second - "I'm prescribing this medication and you will take one pill orally tomorrow night [I gulped imagining why she was so precise about saying orally] and then you will put one inside your vagina." She then changes that to say I will put two inside my vagina. Oh dear God. Is she kidding me? I'll repeat this same thing the morning of the procedure.

Yeah. That actually happened. I was in the pharmacy to pick up the medicine, which of course wasn't ready, and there were so many people that I seriously couldn't bring myself to wander around and find the jelly. I think I will go back around midnight because I really don't need other people checking out my purchases.

So that's where we are. And now I feel that I need to go buy something shiny to make up for all of this drama!!

I was feeling much better when I recorded this Happy New Year message over the weekend...now I just feel ill. And cranky. And irritated.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T17:58:00.001-08:00

Day 59

2011-12-29T14:24:00.000-08:00

It's Day 59. In case you missed Day 52 or Day 58, you should read those first. Or you can just pretend you know what's happening and dive into this post. As I've stated in my prior two posts this is girl stuff, so if you're not a girl, or if you're a girl who doesn't like to read about girl stuff, you should stop reading now.

After yesterday's post I waited about an hour before my doctor's nurse called me back. I told her what was happening and she said the doctor actually wasn't in but she'd talk to her today and get back to me. And then she reiterated that I should be in bed resting. So after I ate dinner and watched the first period of the Sharks game I actually got in bed. And yes, that's a stuffed animal in bed with me. A girl's gotta have some comfort!

Things were still semi-heavy last night and woke me up very early this morning, but they seem to have settled down a bit now. Maybe there's something to this resting thing after all. I decided to give it a shot and stayed in my bed until approximately 11:15 today when my stomach was growling so loudly that I forced myself to get up and make some food.

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you'll know that in the midst of cooking I set off my downstairs AND upstairs smoke alarms, further proving my point that eating out should always be my first choice.

After eating my pork chop and French fries I settled in for some delightful afternoon TV and finally got a call back from my doctor's office.

As you may recall I had an appointment scheduled for next Friday, January 6, to review the results of my blood work and ultrasound. As you may also recall I was not pleased about it. Well, now I have an appointment on Tuesday - still not clear why they couldn't fit me in today, but whatever - and I have an appointment next Thursday to have a D & C procedure done, which is supposed to fix this problem. If you're not sure what that is, click on the link and WebMD will tell you all about it.

Anyway...I now feel like I'm going to get some relief from this, but I'm really not clear why it took so freaking long!!

Thanks again for all of your good thoughts and wishes. I'll keep you posted!

Day 58

2011-12-28T15:34:00.000-08:00

In case you missed the first post about the health situation I'm dealing with, check out Day 52. I'm now on Day 58 and as I just posted on Twitter and Facebook, I could not be more done if I tried.

And again boys...you may not wish to read any further...

Since my last blog about this oh-so-joyous situation I heard back from the doctor and was given an appointment on January 6 to discuss the results of the ultrasound. Really? More than two weeks after the exam? I assumed this delay was due to the holidays and resigned myself to the fact that it was my only option. They told me nothing about the blood work and didn't ask how things were going and I was in my office so didn't really feel like sharing. But the fact was, and is, that nothing has changed. NOTHING.

That rest they told me to take? Yeah. That didn't change anything. My period is still alive and well though seems to be more finicky. I've actually had a couple of days where it was very light and I thought maybe, just maybe, I was getting through things. HA! Negative ghost rider. The day after the light days, it just doubles itself up and gets mean.

That's pretty much what happened today.

Life was great yesterday. I've been resting quite a bit since I'm on vacation and just doing a few things here and there. I went to the salon yesterday - relaxing - and also to the DMV. Granted, that wasn't relaxing, but I had an appointment so was only there 30 minutes. Then I came home and rested before meeting a friend for dinner. Dinner's relaxing, right? Yes. It is. And I went to bed thinking life was good. That maybe things were finally looking up.

When I woke up this morning I realized how wrong I was. Things were moderate when I crawled out of bed but still much heavier than yesterday. Fine. Whatever. I'm dealing with this thing now so I just left to meet my friend for a movie and lunch. It was in the middle of the movie that I felt things getting ugly but I feared standing up and creating a scene so I waited until the movie was over and scurried to the bathroom where I felt like a teenager who was ill-prepared for her time of the month. Not to be gross but, well, it was gross. And it was a flood. And I almost cried in the bathroom of the movie theatre. I didn't though. Instead, I wrapped my sweatshirt around my waist, backwards, and told my friend I couldn't do lunch because I had to go home. He was already in the know about everything and was very understanding but I was MAD.

I grumbled the whole way home and debated driving myself to Urgent Care in hopes that maybe someone there would take some action but I decided to come home and clean up and see how the rest of the day went. After doing so and realizing that things were back to a more moderate state I hemmed and hawed and decided to cancel everything I had planned for tonight and tomorrow just to be on the safe side. That's when I got really mad. This is now interfering with my life in greater ways and I AM DONE.

I just called the doctor's office and, surprise! She's actually working this week. Why couldn't they get me an appointment this week to go over the results? Seriously displeased. I talked to the receptionist who freaked out when I told her what day of my period I was on then put me on hold while she tried to get the doctor's nurse to come to the phone. Unfortunately she was with a patient and couldn't talk to me so now I'm sitting here waiting for a call back and wondering if this ridiculousness will ever end.

Like I said, I really do feel fine...there's no pain of any sort, just embarrassment today and complete and total irritation. Thanks to all of you for your good thoughts and prayers. I'll keep you posted...

Day 52

2011-12-22T07:39:00.000-08:00

Let me just start by saying that I am feeling fine...no pain...and no thought that something dreadful is wrong...still, there is a lingering health issue that I've been dealing with and decided to share what's going on because frankly it's all just pissing me off.

Boys...you may want to stop reading here as my health issue involves girl stuff...you may not care to have the details...I'm not afraid to share them with you but completely understand if you'd prefer to just know that in the end, as it stands now, I'm fine.

A couple of notes before I unfold this story...

I am 43 years old and am a virgin...proud of it as a matter of fact...believe me, I know it's rare.
I am a huge baby.

I suppose this all started about 18-20 months ago when I noticed my monthly cycle was becoming a little irregular, nothing major but annoying and cause for question. Question, not concern. Several friends mentioned that going on the pill would help regulate things...that it wasn't just for birth control. It made sense to me so I asked my regular doctor about it - my general practitioner that is. She said it was normal that things were starting to change given my age and that I shouldn't worry about it. However, she said I should go ahead and get an annual exam (which I've had exactly three times in my life - annual? more like every 10 years). I made a separate appointment for that; then, because things weren't regular, I had to reschedule it because my monthly friend arrived at an inappropriate time.

Side note: As previously stated I'm a huge baby. And because of that, and because of item number one above, having that exam is about the most stressful thing I can imagine. The only other times I'd had the exam done prior to this adventure they had to use a child's speculum. And I was very much an adult when the other exams occurred.

Anyway...I got the appointment rescheduled and made sure to tell the nurse that they would need a child's speculum because it's not something most GPs just have lying around. Mine did but I was so freaking tense by the time I arrived for the exam that there was no way she could actually do it. I kid you not when I say I was in tears at the mere thought of it. At that point she sent me to the gynecologist. Yeah. Because THAT seems less stressful. Whatever.

I made the appointment with the gyno a couple of months later - why rush? It was like a repeat experience from my GP's office only more so because I'd never seen this doctor and had already endured her lecture about not having the exam more often. Until this point I'd never had a single issue with anything and wasn't really having issues then. I knew I was getting close to the perimenopause stuff and wanted to make sure things were on track. I asked her about the pill and she wouldn't prescribe it without having the exam. Awesome. I believe it was at this point that I wished I'd lied to my GP and told her I was getting married and didn't want to get pregnant. I bet I would have gotten the pill then. But I digress...

The gyno said she could do the exam under mild anesthesia so I wouldn't be so tense and while the thought of that didn't exactly thrill me I knew it was the only way anyone was going to actually get the exam done so I got it scheduled. Yeah. That's not stressful at all.

When the day arrived a good friend who has had similar issues with the exam and totally understood my plight drove me to the surgery center and it seemed like it would be a fairly painless experience. And I guess it was because I don't remember anything before waking up from the anesthesia. My friend picked me up and then the fun began.

The doctor told me that during the exam something tore and so I'd probably experience some pain when I went to the bathroom or even just sitting down. And they wonder why I couldn't have the exam the normal way? Good grief. They told me the pain would last a day or two. Yeah. That happened. The pain went for almost a week and I swore I would never do it again. That was September 2010. And even after the exam, they told me everything was fine but still wouldn't prescribe the pill. I was not pleased. Again, wishing I had lied. They basically just told me to deal with the irregularity and if it got worse to let them know. It still wasn't clear that they'd do anything about it but apparently just wanted to know. Whatever.

Flash forward into 2011...things were still irregular and about 6-8 months after the exam from hell I asked my GP about the pill again. She once again refused to prescribe it to me and told me about all the horrid side effects that were much worse than an irregular period. Not pleased!

During the year I had more than my fair share of infections that caused me to struggle with breathing and lose my voice more than once. They weren't sinus and they weren't colds...not completely sure what they were but I had more antibiotics in the last year than I care to think about. Sometime in the spring they put me on Prednisone for about 10 days and things improved drastically. But the Prednisone was evil and had its own special set of side effects. I hoped to avoid it going forward but when the infection returned with a vengeance in the summer they put me on it for almost two full months. And guess what happened? My period went away. Completely.

When I mentioned this to my GP, who had prescribed the Prednisone, she said that was normal when taking that medicine and believe me, I rejoiced and hoped it would stay away forever. However, after I stopped taking it, toward the end of September, my period decided to return, only this time, it was beyond crazy.

For the entire month of October it was extremely light, like it was just taunting me. I wasn't bothered by it because it was still better than a normal cycle. I kept wondering if the real deal would show up and was unpleasantly visited on November first and am now on day 52 of the fun. And it's been mostly heavy though some days have been, thankfully, more moderate.

November held its own share of stress as I dealt with the death of a friend's husband, another bout of the infection that just won't die and a trip to Colorado to visit my grandparents. By the end of the month I decided it was time to talk to the doctor about things. Naturally, she was out of the country so I didn't get an appointment until last week, almost six weeks into the never-ending cycle from hell. My sole mission was to get the pill to get this thing regulated. Do I even need to tell you that she told me no? Of course I don't. Instead she sent me to the gyno.

The next day I visited her, the one who did the exam, and wow, I have never been so irritated with a doctor in my life! First I got a lecture about how I should have come in when I didn't get my period in August. She didn't seem to care that I told my GP and was told it wasn't a big deal. Then she informed that when she did my annual exam last year that she found fibroid tumors and that those could be causing the bleeding. Hello!! How was that the first I'd heard of it? Why didn't she tell me that when she told me everything was fine more than a year earlier? I was not pleased. She indicated that hormones (the pill) would not be good and that she needed to figure out what was going on.

"First," she said. "We need to get things to stop. So you need to be on bed rest through the weekend."

"Bed rest?" I asked thinking I'd misheard her.

"You must rest."

"But I have things to do. I have a concert and a game and can I work from home?"

"Well, it's up to you, but until you rest it's not going to stop."

All I could think was, "Kill me. Just kill me right here in your office."

I left in a complete state of disappointment and irritation and went to give some blood. She wanted to make sure I wasn't becoming anemic with all the blood loss. I told her I'd been eating a lot of beef and wasn't feeling lethargic but agreed that I had wondered about that myself. The lab told me they'd have the results to the doctor the next day. That was a week ago. And I've still heard nothing about the lab work. And frankly, I just don't have time to call.

I worked from home for 3 days and rested for the better part of 5 days and believe me when I say, I still have my period. I will admit that I didn't just lay in bed for 5 days - that might have sent me even further over the edge than I'm about to dive. But I definitely rested more than usual. I did go to the concert I had scheduled because the ticket cost me over a hundred dollars and I just sat in a seat the whole time. I didn't jump up or dance around so really, it wasn't like I was overexerting myself. I skipped one of my two hockey games, so I thought that was good. The only other things I did at the end of the 5 days were eat meals with friends, go to a movie and go to the spa. These are not stressful things.

Yesterday the fun continued when I had an ultrasound to see if the tumors were causing the problem or if it was something else. She prescribed an outer ultrasound only since she knew I couldn't handle the one that might as well be the annual exam. None of it sounded very exciting to me but after drinking 32 ounces of water and holding it for what seemed like EVER, the technician called me in and started the exam. It didn't hurt but was definitely uncomfortable.

At the end she was like, "I'm not seeing much but I need to do the [internal exam]."

"I don't think so," I said. "My doctor just prescribed this one because I'm a baby."

"Really?"

I told her I had to have the exam under anesthesia and she was very surprised. "You can try," I finally said, "but be prepared for me to be a basket case."

"Are you a virgin?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Oh. Then I'm not doing it."

Score!

When all was said and done she told me they'd probably have to prescribe a CT scan in order to see more detail because she couldn't see any tumors or anything else. Awesome.

So here I am...day 52 with no end in sight and no real understanding about what's going on. And like I said at the beginning of this, I really do feel fine. There is no pain. There is just annoyance. I've had a couple of headaches but that's it. Mostly it's just bothersome and I want it to end. And I can't help but think that if I'd just lied to my doctor a year ago and said I wanted to go on the pill so I didn't get pregnant that there would have been no further discussion. There's just something very wrong about that...

And on the 7th day, I returned...

2011-11-17T05:58:00.000-08:00

Last Friday, November 11, I sent myself on a social media hiatus. I’d been thinking about doing it for a while but just hadn’t found the motivation or willpower to make it happen. When a friend announced he was going to take some time away from social media I decided to follow suit.

I’m not sure why I decided that Friday would be the day I shut myself off from the social media world but it seemed like a good time since I was headed out of town for four days. I thought getting on a plane and being forced to be out of touch for a few hours would be a good start and I was mostly right about that.

It was the two hours between saying goodbye to Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr and the plane actually taking off that were hard. Those little icons on my phone were very inviting but I resisted. I turned off all the notifications so I wouldn’t be able to see if anyone posted something on my wall or sent me a personal tweet. That definitely helped. It also helped that my wireless connection once I got to my mom’s house was pretty weak.

I spent my weekend in Colorado seeing my mom and her husband, my dad and his wife and my grandparents (91 and 92 years of age!). I had to laugh when my mom asked me if I saw something on Facebook and again when my dad asked if I saw his post on Facebook. Normally I probably would have been the first to comment on either of their posts but I missed them completely.

I took several pictures while I was there and it was weird to not immediately post them for all the world to see. One of my favorite things about social media is the ability to share my pictures and see the pictures of my friends, especially those friends I don’t get to see very often. I feel more connected and like that we can share our lives even though we’re not in the same room, city, state or even country sometimes.

Staying away became harder once I got home on Monday afternoon and had all kinds of free time on my hands. And yet, I resisted. And it felt good. I hadn’t made any plans as to how long I’d stay away. I figured I’d know when the time was right to go back, and as I write this, I know that tomorrow is the day. I will have been away six days by then and for whatever reason, that seems like enough.

But I had another reason to step away from the silliness that social media so often is. After returning Monday from Colorado I flew out Tuesday night to San Diego so I could attend a funeral.

My dear friend Robyn’s husband Brian passed away 10 days ago after a short battle with brain cancer and I guess that’s really what started to put everything into perspective for me. When you get that sort of news, that someone not even 45 years old is gone, you realize that nothing else really matters; nothing that is except friends and family and while I connect with all my friends and most of my family via Twitter and/or Facebook on a regular basis, it just seemed like the time to step back and really focus on life for a minute.

Death is something we know is coming for each of us, but we assume it will come when we’re 80 years old or older. We assume those that will go first are grandparents, older relatives and even our parents. We don’t think we’re going to lose someone in the prime of his or her life but it happens every single day and basically, it sucks.

I lost my aunt when she was in her early 50s, and that was completely unexpected and horrible and yes, it sucked. It still sucks because she should still be here with us. Brian was my age and had a wife and a nearly-4-year-old son and wow does it ever suck. I’ve been crying off and on for the last week and a half and can’t help but wonder how much longer I have to walk on this earth. I can't even imagine what Robyn is going through.

I’ve also been thinking about what’s really important and how I should be spending my time. And yes I’m going back to my social media outlets because I think connecting with people is incredibly important and I realized today that what I missed most about Twitter and Facebook was the interaction I have with people all over the country, some that I know personally and some that I’ve never met; some that I’m related to and some that I count as my closest friends.

So while I haven’t completely figured out everything in my life, I think I least get this part, and I hope I never take anyone in my life for granted. Life is too precious and our time together is too short. Never was that more evident to me than right now.

Labor Day Adventures or...Welcome to Crazy Town!

2011-09-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

Ah Labor Day...a day off from work and 24 hours to do nothing. Or to do 412 things. One of those. Let me share, won't you?

I woke up somewhere around 3 am STARVING - my own fault since I hadn't eaten dinner the night before; there was no getting out of it. I had to have food. So, I schlepped down the stairs and started looking through my fridge and pantry to find exactly what I expected to find, a big fat nothing. Why I didn't open the freezer and dig into the cookie dough ice cream I will never know, but, I decided to make noodles. So yeah, at approximately 3:30 am I ate some bow tie pasta with salt and butter. And I had a Coke. Because that seemed like the smart thing to do at that hour. While I ate I watched my DVR recording of Drop Dead Diva, which kept me up until almost 4:30. It seemed ridiculous to stay up at that hour on a holiday so I came back upstairs and crawled in bed where I was still wide awake. I fell back asleep somewhere around 6 for a couple of hours - early morning nap? - and finally was awake for good around 8 am.

I spent the next 4ish hours sitting in bed doing absolutely nothing of importance online. I tweeted, I facebooked, I tumblr'd; I probably even emailed (yeah, I'm old school like that sometimes). It was all very exciting and a definite time waster, though I'm still not clear how I wasted 4 hours, but suddenly, it was almost 12:30 and I was meeting a friend around 1:15 so I got up and got myself ready to go. Half the day had been spent in a mostly slothful state and I was pleased.

I was happy to see the sunshine when I finally stepped out of my house and made my way to the light rail station, and I was definitely happy to see my friend when she pulled into the parking lot moments after I did. I had apparently read the light rail schedule incorrectly and we had to wait a little longer than planned, but we didn't care; we had a lot of terribly important things to discuss.

While we were waiting a lady asked us where a park was and we actually knew, so we gave her directions, which she proceeded to give to a young kid on a bike, but it was clear she wasn't sure, so we reiterated them to him. He thanked us and rode off and then the lady asked me about restaurants in the area and a few other things then drifted off to meet her own friend. We felt very helpful and useful and were ready to embark on our journey.

I was surprised how busy the light rail was for a holiday, but the ride to downtown San Jose was pretty uneventful. We journeyed to The Kebab Shack for a late lunch and found a perfect table outside while we waited for our food. That's when the children invaded. Two of them to be exact. They came from another table, and their parents just let them cross the sidewalk and wander into our territory. It was not cool. We thought both parents were ignoring them but then realized the dad was tending to yet a third child while the mom lollygagged somewhere. This went on for about ten minutes but then she finally corralled them back into her land and we were back at peace. That's when the wind shifted and we got a big whiff of the garbage bin sitting in the street. We very nearly hurled, but then it shifted again and it went away. It came back once more but it wasn't as bad so we endured. Then the car alarm came. And I'm not even sure where the car was, but I was ready to punch it in the face! It rang until it could ring no more, and then we let out our breath and enjoyed the 12 seconds of silence until it started ringing again. This happened four more times. Seriously. And then there was a hideously loud beeping from across the street that started up. It was like a battle of the annoying noises and we were about to lose our minds but somehow we managed to contain our rage and finish eating without incident.

Getting our movie tickets was easy and the guy inside the booth was actually entertaining so we entertained him right back. We're funny, my friend and I. At least we think so. We made a stop in the bathroom before procuring our popcorn and while it wasn't really a big deal, in the grand scheme of things, the paper towel dispenser actually played an entertaining role. My friend washed her hands first and realized that the main dispenser, in the most convenient part of the bathroom, wasn't working. She reached over to the inconvenient one in the corner and pulled her towels out. I followed suit having seen her, but then another girl tried the other one, to no avail naturally, and looked confused as she reached for the other one. We were like, "Really? You didn't see us both use that one? Really?" We left her there to fend for herself and made our way to the treat counter where we, surprisingly, procured treats without any drama.

We weren't expecting to see many people in the theatre, but there were actually quite a few, so we found some seats and got settled with our food and waited for things to start. Naturally a ridiculously loud popcorn chomper sat behind us, but he calmed down when the movie started. We were definitely entertained by 30 Minutes or Less. It was a little raunchy and a lot of crazy and we laughed a lot. From the pen gun, to the Satanic Hispanic to Sandra; it was absolutely fun.

We had to wait almost 25 minutes for the light rail to fetch us, but it wasn't too bad. Downtown San Jose is entertaining on a holiday Monday evening, and we didn't want for people to watch. From baggy jeans to big plugs in ears to the guy I'm pretty sure is stalking me on the light rail every day, it was an adventure. Okay, I don't really think the guy is stalking me but I have seriously seen him every day on the light rail since school started. He gets on at the same stop I do and is almost always on the same train to and from downtown. It's a little crazy.

Once we got on the light rail the fun continued. We sat in the back so we could see pretty much everything happening in the whole car and almost died laughing when a guy spied another guy and thought he knew him. He pretended to run into him then laughed, but the guy he bumped was not laughing. The bumper was like, "Hey, it's me." And then he realized it wasn't actually the person he thought it was. And he was embarrassed and came and sat in the furthest back seat. We died. I seriously thought there was going to be a brawl because I could only see part of the action - my friend filled me in on the rest after the fact. I was trying to figure out how we could get off the train so as not to get involved in any fisticuff action. Yep. I just wrote fisticuff.

From there we ventured back to my house and had a calm couple of hours watching a chick flick. We needed some mellow after our adventures. But then I got hungry and was determined to eat dinner so as not to have a repeat of the earlier happenings where I was starving in the middle of the night. So, we went to Outback. You KNOW how I hate Outback.

We got seated in one of those giant booths you could actually sleep in, and I was tempted to lay down for a minute, not because I was tired, but just because it was there. I refrained though and sat up like a grown person and read the menu as though I had no idea what was on it. Our waiter, let's call him Ephraim, since that was his name, was very peppy and energetic and it was bordering on annoying, but we just went with it since we were being rather silly and had a lot of our own energy to burn. He took our drink orders and promised us bread. Oh the bread. Keep that in mind. It will be important later. We got our drinks and our bread and placed the rest of our order and moved on.

Every time Ephraim came to our table he had even more energy than the last time and it was a little bit creepy at times how excited he was to talk to us. At one point he even told me how he ate his shrimp like me, saving the last bite until the end and how after I'd ordered it he decided that's what he was going to eat when he closed up. Sure. Okay. TMI? Maybe a little. He also told us that he'd watched a lot of people eating and pretended to hide behind the booth behind us and pop up like he was spying. What? I believe he thought he was funny, but it became creepier by the second and we were trying not to laugh. He was nice, and our orders were right, but it was too much. TOO MUCH I SAY!

Because I am a frequent Outbacker I do know a few of the peeps that work there, and when I saw my friend Andrew on the other side of the restaurant I tried to get his attention but I failed miserably. When he finally wandered to our side Ephraim (EPHRAIM!) was at our table telling us one of his tales and I couldn't actually see around him to get Andrew's attention. When Ephraim finally left, Andrew was gone too and I was bothered. But Andrew came back and I called him over and as he leaned into the booth to hug me I managed to knock over what was left of my ginormous iced tea. Still not quite sure how that happened, but Andrew was kind enough to clean it up while only slightly mocking me. He took the bread that got destroyed by the tea and said he'd bring us more with a new glass of tea for me, which he did in just a couple of minutes. He also told me I was cut off if I spilled that one then sat down and chatted with us for a bit. Clearly this bothered Ephraim because he came right back over and tried to jump into our conversation. Jealous much?

Andrew got back to work and Ephraim went back to his normal self, I guess, and I drank more of my tea and ate a little bread then settled into a complete coma. We got the bill, put our cards in the holder and waited for Ephraim to swing back by, which of course he did very soon after. He got things taken care of but we sat and chatted a while longer, laughing at our day and how crazy things turn when we're together. We decided we were ready to go, but I wanted to take the remaining bread with me since I'd only eaten one piece, but Ephraim was nowhere to be found and so, we waited. When he finally stopped by and I asked him for a bag he was like, "No, I'm just going to throw this bread away." And I was thinking, "What? But I actually want it." Then he added, "I'll get you a fresh loaf; this one's all dry." Well okay. That was nice. So we let him take the supposedly dry bread and waited again. And waited. And then we waited some more. And finally, after almost 15 minutes and no bread, we left. I should have just put the partially eaten loaf in my purse and gone with it.

Andrew told us goodbye as we left and we just shook our heads as we got to the car. I don't live in Campbell. I live in CrazyTown! And I didn't even have time to tell you about the table behind us and their crazy dining situation...maybe I'll share that later...but for now, I think I've shared quite enough.

Hope you had a great day off...we sure did!!

Summer, concerts and my personal plea to Matt Nathanson...

2011-07-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

It's been over a month since my last concert and honestly, I'm starting to feel a little shaky. I've had at least one concert per month since 2011 started, and it's been amazing. I am a lucky girl to get to see so much of the music I love played live.

I was worried July would pass me by and I'd have no concert to attend but thankfully Ernie Halter and Curtis Peoples came through for me and I'll close out July with their sweet sounds. And then the real fun begins...this is why I have a job.

August

I'm starting August with the Beach Boys, then moving on to Michael Buble. I've never seen either of them live and am really looking forward to both. A little over a week after those I get to see the Goo Goo Dolls for the fourth time, and they're joined by Parachute (third time seeing them) and Michelle Branch (another first). That should be a fun show and a good way to end the August set of concerts.

September

September is crazy. I'm starting things off with Hanson. Yes, the Mmm Bop kids. I seriously can't wait, as I've always wanted to see them live. Three days later it's Hall and Oates, another first; then the next week brings me to the Matt Nathanson/Train/Maroon 5 tour and Alpha Rev - a band I've been dying to see since I first heard their voices. I've seen Matt and Train numerous times and neither have ever disappointed me, but it will also be a first for Maroon 5. All in all, that would be a good month of shows, but wait, there's more! I'm closing out the month with none other than Smokey Robinson. It is YAY!

October

Yep. I already have a concert booked in October, and I'm terribly excited about it. The band is Yellowcard and again, I've wanted to see them for several years so I'm very happy that they're finally playing a show I can get to.

Nothing set for November or December, but I have faith that someone I love will schedule something in my vicinity. Because let's face it, no one would want to leave me hanging for two months without a concert. That would just be wrong.

I'm talking to you Todd Carey, Nathan Angelo, Third Day, Switchfoot, David Cook, Ryan Star, and yes, even you Matt Nathanson.

[Here comes my personal plea...]

Because even though I know you will rock as the opener for the Train/Maroon 5 show, your solo concerts are epic and I need one. The entire Bay Area needs one. So just give it to us. We love you the most and we need to see you and your 12-string gracing a local stage for a 2-3 hour performance. We don't ask for much. And also, I need a new photo with you...not that these aren't awesome, but you know, we just need a new one.

Until then...enjoy whatever music you're listening to. And just because I haven't done it in a while, here's a sampling of what's in my Current Faves playlist on iTunes...I'm nothing if not diverse.

ROCK ON.

I shoulda stayed at work...

2011-06-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

After working for 10 hours I decided to head home. I had plans, things to buy, things to watch, Sharks players to cheer for...instead, I got this:

The charm I set out to purchase at Tiffany can only be purchased at the New York stores or online. Of course, online takes 5 days, which is why I didn't order it online in the first place. Bothered.

I stopped at Arby's to get a sandwich on the way home and it was seriously the slowest experience ever, thought not completely horrible. The onion rings I got on the side on the other hand smelled so strong that I almost had to roll down my window before I got home.

As I arrived at the major intersection near my house I discovered that the traffic signal was out. I also discovered that no one understands how a 4-way stop is supposed to work. I'm honestly surprised there wasn't a single accident while I was watching the chaos unfold.

When I got home, ready to eat my sandwich and watch the NHL Awards in the hopes of seeing Logan Couture winning the Calder trophy I discovered that all my clocks were flashing, which of course means that there was a power outage at some point. It looked like my DVR was recording though, so I turned on my TV, navigated to the show and pushed play. And it started, but there was no sound. I stopped the recording and turned the TV off, waited a few minutes and turned it back on to discover that there was no sound anywhere, on any channel, thus rendering my recording of the awards show useless.

I turned the TV right back off, took a bite of my sandwich and opened the Twitter app on my phone to see if the awards had gone my way. Alas, they had not. So many kinds of not yay! Although I can't say I was that surprised because the NHL absolutely hates the San Jose Sharks. I don't know what possessed me to think they'd actually give the award to our very deserving rookie.

BITE ME.

So let's recap, shall we?

Tiffany? FAIL

Arby's? MEH

Traffic Light? FAIL

Power? FAIL

NHL? FAIL!!!!!

I shoulda stayed at work...

Anti-blog no more...

2011-06-20T23:08:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me recently that my original title for this blog "carrie's anti-blog" was completely outdated since clearly, I'm anything BUT anti-blog. Therefore, I have changed the name. Because I'm grown and I can. Now I have a blog called it is yay (that's what you're reading now in case you were confused), a tumblr called it is yay and a website that I rarely update called it is yay.

In case you were confused, it is, in fact, yay.

That's all for now. I'm preparing to write a review of Matt Nathanson's new album Modern Love (much like the blog I did a while back about his last album Some Mad Hope) later this week after I memorize all the words and mix it fully into my life. If you haven't heard it you should get yourself to iTunes or Amazon and check it out RIGHT NOW! You won't be disappointed.

Anyway...it's 11pm, so I'm going to bed. That is also yay.

Catch you soon...

U2: Tainted by Oakland, BART and Potheads

2011-06-09T06:17:00.000-07:00

If you read my last blog you know that I saw U2 in concert earlier this week. It was my fifth time seeing them and I knew they'd put on a good show. In fact, I'd seen this very tour - 360 - in Las Vegas about a year and a half ago. I knew it was going to be great. What I didn't know is how great everything else was NOT going to be. Where to begin...well, I guess at the beginning...

I bought the tickets for this concert (held June 7, 2011) in November of 2009. That's right. 2009. I bought them about a month after seeing the show in Vegas (since the first round of the tour came nowhere in California, much less somewhere near me...but I digress...sort of...). Anyway...the concert was originally scheduled for June 2010 but then Bono hurt his back and the whole tour was postponed. I should have known right then and there that it was tainted, that the whole night would somehow turn into a fiasco.

Because I'm a member of the fan club I actually bought extra tickets and had a total of 5...my thoughts being that I could easily sell the extras, maybe make a little cash, whatever. A friend had planned to go with me when it was still in 2010, but I didn't try selling the extra tickets right away thinking that the demand would go up as the concert date approached. And then, of course, there was no concert date, so I had all these tickets. Again, I should have known...

Sometime last fall I decided to donate one pair of tickets to an auction because the idea of selling them was just more than I cared to deal with and it seemed like a good thing to do. So I did. And I figured I'd sell the single ticket as it got much closer to the event date. But then the friend who was going to go with me had to back out (and I don't blame her...she'd agreed to go over a year earlier...life happens...). Anyway, I was back to three tickets. I asked some other friends if they wanted to go but came up empty and decided to just go by myself and sell the other pair...which I did, just about two weeks prior to the show.

I have to admit, I was not as excited about the show as I have been about past U2 shows...partially because of everything listed above and partially because I was just tired and kinda bummed that no one was going with me...not that I don't go to concerts by myself all the time, but for some reason it seemed strange. Anyway...when I woke up Tuesday morning I actually was excited and listened to U2 tunes all day.

I changed clothes at work and loved putting on my 'boys play rock and roll' t-shirt from the Vertigo tour a number of years ago. Yes. I'm a real fan. I own all the albums, some on vinyl; I own the t-shirts; I own the concert poster and have it professionally framed. At that point, I was ready.

I will admit that I wasn't terribly excited about getting to Oakland to see the show, but I told myself I'd take BART and it would be simple. I even checked the BART schedule to make sure the trains ran late enough - not being a seasoned BART rider. It all looked good. Of course, since I live in San Jose I had to first drive to Fremont to get to BART because apparently all those years ago when it was originally built no one had the foresight to bring the lines all the way down here. To be fair, this was pre-Silicon Valley explosion, but still. It's lame. Anyway...

I drove to Fremont and ate an early dinner before heading to BART. I knew I had zero interest in the food at the Oakland Coliseum - especially since they don't have Coke. I also knew I didn't care about the opening acts for the show and that I didn't have to rush to get there. I figured I'd get on a train around 6:30 and take my time to walk from BART to the stadium without being crushed by a sea of humanity.

I pulled into the Fremont BART station around 6 thinking I'd have plenty of time to park, get my ticket and wait for the train. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! The lot was PACKED! I parked in the farthest spot in the farthest lot and even debated screwing the whole thing and driving but couldn't bear the thought of sitting in 880 traffic or paying $30-40 for parking.

I got into the station and stood in a line of about 20 people buying tickets, which is apparently really hard for a lot of people. Wow. Got my ticket, went through the gates and got to the platform just in time to squeeze into the train about to leave. And I mean squeeze. Because not only was there the U2 concert, but there was also a Giants game meaning the trains were just stupidly filled with people. And it seemed to me that BART probably knew these events were both going on, in addition to the normal daily commute, and should have increased the length of trains or added trains or both. But it didn't seem like they really cared enough to do anything. Whatever. I stood between people for the 25 or so minute ride and was never so happy to see the Coliseum station in my life.

I got off the train and, along with thousands of other U2 fans, made my way into the station slowly...inching along hoping I wouldn't get trampled, happy I had no interest in seeing the opening act. As I came through the gate I started seeing signs that didn't make sense, signs telling me the Coliseum station was closing at midnight and that the last train was at 12:20. What? That's not what the online BART schedule told me, but sure enough, that was the story. "It's okay," I said to myself. "U2 will probably start at 9, play until about 11:30, and there will be plenty of time to get back." HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

I'm going to a concert...

2011-05-24T04:27:00.000-07:00

My friends hear this response from me a lot when they ask me what I'm doing on a certain weekend or even weekday night. I'm what you might call a concert junkie, and I'm incredibly blessed to be able to see so many of my favorite artists live. Someone mentioned to me last weekend, while we were waiting for a concert to start ironically (I think it was a concert...maybe it was a Sharks game...I don't know...I've lost track!), why I hadn't been blogging about concerts I'd been to this year or what concerts I was planning to see. I had no real reason for it other than I've been busy...I guess...but since I'm sitting here awake at 3:35 in the morning I figured it was as good a time as any to fill you in on what's been happening and what's on the radar. So here we go...

January
I started my concert season early and unexpectedly this year when I took a quick weekend trip to Chicago. It wasn't planned ahead of time but turned out to be a great weekend, especially since I got to see Todd Carey in concert for the third time in about six months. I was thrilled to share the experience at Schuba's with my friends Tasha and Beth. As usual, TC did not disappoint.

I was supposed to have a second concert in January but it got rescheduled to April...more on that later.

February
Almost a full month later came concert number two with my friend Shawn at The Fillmore in San Francisco. The main act was Plain White T's but I was also entertained by the two openers, MIGGS and Parachute. I'd seen both of them before and they were great, and I absolutely loved Plain White T's! I would definitely see all of these bands again.

March
I had no concert plans in March but did have tickets to see Rock of Ages and that was sort of like a concert since it's a musical of all rock music from the 80s, and believe me, it completely rocked! My friend Jill and I saw it in San Francisco and I recommend it to anyone who loves music and loves the 80s.

If my concert in January came out of the blue then the one I actually went to in March came out of the wild blue. I literally decided at noon to go to a concert that night in San Francisco. I flew solo...okay, took the train solo...to a little place called The Hotel Utah to see Chris Gelbuda live and he was great! I also got introduced to a new artist, Chi McClean, that I am really liking. I wasn't able to stay for the main act due to the train schedule but my main mission was Chris so it was a good night.

April
As mentioned above a concert from January was rescheduled to April so my friends Jill and Veronnica and I started the month with 30 Seconds to Mars at the San Jose State Event Center. I'd wanted to see them for a long time and they put on a great show. We were definitely entertained by the music but possibly even more so by the guy dressed in a cat costume prancing around throughout the show. TSTM has some, um, interesting fans.

I closed out the month with my friend Travis by seeing The Boxer Rebellion at Slim's in San Francisco. We actually had tickets to see them last fall but decided not to go when we learned they wouldn't be taking the stage until sometime around 11 on a school night. I was very happy to finally get to see them and they put on a great show - this time on a Friday night.

May
I'm pretty sure seeing Hugh Jackman perform a one-man show counts as a concert since he sang for nearly two straight hours in San Francisco a couple of weeks ago. Jill, Veronnica and Janice and I enjoyed his loveliness immensely and I would go see his show again in a second!

As for the concert I saw this last weekend, well, it was another artist I'd been wanting to see for years. Prince. Yes. His royal purpleness threw it down in the HP Pavilion and my friend Stephanie and I absolutely loved it. I'm thrilled I finally got to see him in concert.

So, what's next?

May
Well, depending on the hockey I may or may not be going to see The Script at The Warfield in San Francisco on Thursday. If the Sharks win tonight then I'll be skipping The Script and going to Game 6. If they lose, then I'll be drowning my sorrows to The Script's Irish lullabies.

June
The month will start with another rescheduled concert from a year ago, U2 in Oakland. I'm heading to this one by myself too and am really excited to see them again. Later in the month I'll be checking out Augustana at The Fillmore in San Francisco. I'm looking forward to seeing them again too.

July
So far, there are no concerts on the July agenda. I'm sure something will come up though because it would be wrong if I had a month without live music!

August
My friend Shawn and I will be doing some old school rocking to The Beach Boys at The Mountain Winery in Saratoga at the beginning of the month. I've never seen them live and I think it will be a fun show. Later in the month I'm heading back to The Winery to see The Goo Goo Dolls along with opening acts Michelle Branch and Parachute. Really excited to see that last band again and I can never get enough of The Goo.

September
Shawn and Travis and I will be heading back to The Winery in September to see Hall & Oates and I have to say I'm totally jazzed about this one. I was a huge fan of theirs in the 80s but have never seen them live and am certain the show will be a lot of fun. A couple of weeks after that Shawn and I are heading to The Concord Pavilion to see Matt Nathanson, Train and Maroon 5. That looks to be a great show. I just wish Matt was doing a solo tour so we could see more of him. A week after that Shawn and I are seeing Smokey Robinson at The Winery and I know that will be great.

After that it's anyone's guess...no other plans, but with David Cook and Matt Nathanson's new albums dropping in June, and Todd Carey promising to come back to California to play, I am certain some other dates will fall into place on my calendar.

So there you have it...if you ever wonder what I'm doing with my nights, chances are I'm at a concert.

30 Days of Music Challenge - The Recap

2011-04-18T00:10:00.000-07:00

So, for the last month I've been participating in the 30 Days of Music Challenge on Facebook, and it's been really fun...and sometimes frustrating. Figuring out a song (or narrowing it down to just one song) for each day has been, in fact, a challenge. But now I've reached Day 30 and decided to recap and give explanations for why I chose the songs I chose. Others who were playing gave their explanations at the time they posted their song, but I decided to just let the songs stand alone until now. Not that my explanations are that exciting or revealing, but since a few people asked about a few of the selections, I thought, "Hey, that could be a good blog post." Let's see if you agree...

30 Days of Music Challenge

Day 01 - Your favorite song: Billy Joel - Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

It's nearly impossible to pick a favorite song. There are just so many genres and so many artists and picking a favorite seems crazy. Now, if this had said, "pick your favorite song of the last month or this week or even today" that would have been much easier. Please note that Day 30 has the same response because if we're talking about all-time favorites then really, it probably doesn't change in a year. Anyway...why did I choose this one? Have you HEARD this song? It's without question my favorite Billy song, and it is absolutely one of my all-time favorite songs. I just need to hear the first few notes and I'm transported. I tend to put this one on replay when I get in my Billy Joel moods.

Day 02 - Your least favorite song: Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

First and foremost, I hate country music. Yes. I said hate. It's the twang, and the whine, and the steel guitar. I just don't like it. I have no issue with the fact that millions love it, just as long as they don't try to suck me in. This song...ugh. So sick of it, and have you really listened to the lyrics? Yuck. I don't like the original and I didn't like the Glee rendition. VETO.

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy: Matt Nathanson - Little Victories

My all-time favorite Matt Nathanson song. I loved it the first moment I heard it but was completely gaga for it after he sang it live at The Fillmore in San Francisco. It's the music, it's the words, and it's his voice singing them...all of that combined make me smile. And it's just such a simple sentiment...that we get through the days because of little victories. See? You smiled didn't you? I knew it.

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad: Mark Schultz - Do You Even Know Me Anymore

The lyrics to this song are quite simply heart wrenching. The first time I heard it I cried. A lot. There are a lot of songs that can make me cry...I'm a girl, what do you want? But this one just tells such a sad, and very common, tale, and to this day, I can hardly get through it without some tears being shed.

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone: Elton John - Someone Saved My Life Tonight

This always reminds me of my friend Shawn. It's his favorite Elton song, and I always liked it, but now whenever I hear it I think of him.

Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere: Todd Carey - Photograph

This will forever remind of Washington DC. It's without question my favorite Todd song, and because he's so great, he played it for me after his show was over. Just him on the guitar in the green room of The Red Palace. It was incredibly generous of him, and I'll never forget it.

Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event: Daughtry - Home

This song came on my iPod as I pulled out of the driveway of my old apartment, heading to the condo I live in now. There was something so perfect about it...that I was going home, to my new home, and I will never forget that moment.

Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to: Green Day - American Idiot

Someone else playing this game posted Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire, and that was a great choice. Wish I'd thought of it. I know all those words too. I know the words to hundreds of songs, so I just had to pick one. I went with this one because it's such a great song and the lyrics are fantastic. There are a few words that I don't let myself say, but I still know them.

Day 09 - A song that you can dance to: Flo Rida - In the Ayer f/will.i.am

To be fair, there are probably a lot of songs I could do dance to. I choose not to dance to any of them. I probably wouldn't dance to this one either, but it's fun and maybe in my living room, when all the doors and windows are closed, maybe, just maybe, I dance around to it. Maybe.

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep: John Mayer - St. Patrick's Day

This was a weird one because I didn't want anyone to think I thought a song was dull and therefore put me to sleep. I tried to think about a song that relaxed me and let my mind slow down enough to actually get to sleep. A lot of John Mayer does that for me, but I'm particularly drawn to this song, and I do have it in a playlist called Music to Sleep by.

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band: Third Day - Revelation

Much like picking a favorite song, it's hard to pick a favorite band and hard to pick a favorite song from said band. I've seen Third Day and Switchfoot more than any other band in concert so at some level, I think that does make them my favorites. Anyway, I went with this song because when I heard it the first time I was contemplating a job move and it just spoke right to me. It still does that today, and I absolutely love it.

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate: Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way

I know this is unpopular but I just don't like Fleetwood Mac. It's really Stevie Nicks I don't like. There are actually a few songs I can stand, but she just bugs me so much that I can't get there. I could have picked any of their songs, but this one was the first that popped up when I searched.

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure: Cali Swag District - Teach Me How to Dougie

If you haven't heard this, just go listen. It's just fun. And yeah, I like it. I have no interest in actually doing the Dougie mind you, but there are moments where I pretend to be an urban youth and this just fits right into it. And I don't really feel guilty about it at all!

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love: Cobra Starship - Snakes on a Plane

Okay, this song is just funny, and the video is hilarious. I never saw the movie, but I'm told I should. I mean come on, it's about snakes. On a plane. And it has Samuel L. Jackson. What could be bad?

Day 15 - A song that describes you: Switchfoot - Your Love is a Song

This is from the band's last album, and the first time I heard it I just fell in love with it. It's all about letting God's love for us just run through us like a melody, like a symphony and it makes me want to hear what He has to say to me. And what I love about Switchfoot is, they write such poignant lyrics that I know they are anointed and I do hear God's voice through them.

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate: Train - If It's Love

I got SO SICK of this song during Train's last tour. Forget how overplayed it was on the radio. Which it was. I got sick of them posting a song from it every night, making a big deal about the part where it says "hold your cell phones up in the air". Really? You write those words then make it part of your show? Lame. And no, when I saw them in concert I did NOT hold my cell phone up in the air, but I suppose I'm in the picture.

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio: Bruno Mars - Grenade

I'm not a fan of this song and on the day this hit I was hearing it all the time. And it was driving me crazy. I wish he'd record the version he sang on the Grammy's. So much better!

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio: Linkin Park - Iridescent

This is a great song, but why it's even more great for me, and why I think it should be on the radio, has everything to do with Brodie Brazil and the San Francisco Giants. He used it in an intro video for the World Champions Parade, and it was freaking awesome. In case you doubt me, you can check it out here. Just hearing the beginning gives me chills and takes me right back to that moment. GO GIANTS!!

Day 19 - A song from your favorite album: U2 - Mysterious Ways

It was hard to choose on this too...this whole game of playing favorites is not, well, it's not my favorite. Anyway...Achtung Baby has always been my favorite U2 album and therefore one of my all-time favorites. This song just has such a great sound, and it was so different from prior U2 music that it really made you wonder if you were listening to the same band. I think I need to have an Achtung Baby album day pretty soon.

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you’re angry: Eminem - Lose Yourself

This song is great and if it doesn't get your adrenaline pumping, nothing will. When I'm having a bad day, I listen to a lot of hip hop because the beat and the words help me get out whatever I need to. I love this song because of the story it tells and the scene it was in in the movie. It was the moment when Eminem knew how good he was. And so did everyone else.

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you’re happy: Plain White T's - Irrational Anthem

I don't know what it is about this song. Maybe it's the title. I just like it. And it makes me smile. On another day this choice could have easily been different, but I think this works very well.

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you’re sad: Billy Joel - Souvenir

Another great Billy song. This one always reminds me of college, and yeah, I guess there's some sadness associated with that, but mainly I just think the song itself is sad. It's about remembering your life and how it fades over time, and as much as we want to remember, as much as we keep like postcards and play programs, it still fades. See? Sad.

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding: Joshua Kadison - Beautiful In My Eyes

There's nothing in my life that tells me I'm actually going to have a wedding, but if I did, I'd definitely want this song to be involved somehow. The lyrics are so beautiful and his voice his perfection.

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral: Lauryn Hill & Friends - Joyful Joyful

I don't want my funeral to be sad. I want it to be a celebration of my life, and I want people to remember that I'm in a much better place. My mom has always said she wants this song, well, the instrumental version, played at an upbeat tempo, and I think it's perfect. I love this version. Lauryn Hill's voice is so pure and it's just so uplifting that you can't help but smile and maybe even dance.

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh: Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance

It's called The Humpty Dance. What more do you need to know?

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument: JJ Heller - Mary's Song

I sang and played this at Christmas in church a few years back, and I loved learning it and being able to share my friend JJ's words with others. I can play a lot of things on the piano, so choosing was a little hard. I think I came to this one because it is so beautiful, and I am always looking to share JJ's music with other people.

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play: Billy Joel - Prelude/Angry Young Man

Yes. Another Billy song. The piano on this song is ridiculous. I absolutely love it and am sure I probably could play it if I had time to practice, but I don't, so I just wish I could.

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty: Brandon Heath - The One

It's not really that this song makes me feel guilty, but it definitely challenges me to do more than I'm doing. It really can take just one of us to make a difference to someone else, and I know that many times I don't do something because I think that my contribution is so small that it won't matter and that's just simply not true. Also, Brandon Heath is amazing and the song completely rocks.

Day 29 - A song from your childhood: John Denver - Rocky Mountain High

We listened to a lot of John Denver growing up and I love so much of it. It's pure 70s and reminds me of so many things about growing up. It still makes me sad to think about him dying so young, after he'd gotten his life back together, but I'm glad he left us so much great music. This is one of my favorites.

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year: Billy Joel - Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

See Day 1, and if you haven't already, go listen to this song!

So there it is. Feel like taking the challenge yourself? It was actually quite fun, and I'm thankful to Layne for sucking me in.

Until next time...

Falling back in love with Some Mad Hope...

2011-04-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

It seems to be rare these days when an album, a WHOLE album, hits you just right; where you want to listen to it over and over and over and over and then listen some more. And you want to listen in order. And you want to listen out of order. And you want to invent your own order. There are very few albums that have had that effect on me.

Matt Nathanson's Some Mad Hope is just such an album.

I loved it from the minute I first heard it in 2007 and saw him play selections from it live on more than one occasion since it came out - six times to be exact. Waiting nearly four years for his next album - I'm just assuming it's actually going to come out in 2011 - has been torture, but I always have Some Mad Hope to fall back on. If he never made another album I'd be sad, but I'd also be okay because yeah, it's JUST THAT GOOD!

I listened to it in its entirety for the first time in probably a year or so over the last couple of days and remembered exactly why I fell in love with it to start with. Let me just lay it out for you...and trust me, if you've never heard it, or have only heard the songs on the radio, you are missing out. BIG TIME. Get this album. Now. Do it.

Okay, here we go...

CAR CRASH

Yes. You've heard this. It was on the radio. I think there was even a video, though I don't completely remember. From the first chord, the sound that guitar makes, I am hooked. And Matt is such a genius with words that I don't ever stop being hooked.

Opening Line: I'm wide awake and so alive; ringing like a bell.

How great is that? Wide awake. Alive. Ringing. And yet, he still wants to feel something, to be more satisfied. Isn't that what we all want? To feel and be satisfied? I think for most of us the answer is yes.

Favorite Line: Take me deep out past the light where nothing dims these stars.

I think I love that line so much because it reminds me of growing up in Wyoming and how you can just see stars forever. Nothing dims them. I realize that the meaning in the song is likely deeper, but I think the sentiment is the same. Get me out of the light of the world and let what the world is supposed to be really shine. That's how I see it anyway.

Closing Line: I'm open wide.

I love that. I wanna feel, I'm open, let me see it. All of it. After that we jump right into the biggest hit from the album...

COME ON GET HIGHER

This song is sexy. And as Matt said in a concert late last year, it paid his mortgage. This was his biggest hit to date, and the video was divine. Even if there were no words, the music would make you feel beautiful and wanted and loved. When I saw him sing this in 2007 not too long after the album came out he made it very clear that he wrote it to be a romantic song. And trust me. He succeeded.

Opening Line: I miss the sound of your voice; and I miss the rush of your skin; and I miss the still of the silence; as you breathe out and I breathe in.

Wow. Imagine being missed like that. I honestly can't, but I love the idea of it, to be missed so much that the one missing you misses the small silence between breaths. Swoon.

Favorite Line: I ache to remember all the vile and sweet perfect words that you said.

Again. Aching to remember. How awesome is that? When's the last time you ached for someone like that? Or had someone ache for you? I can't imagine what that would feel like on either side...to ache or be ached for. Either one, I think would be amazing.

Whenever I hear this song I can see him singing it live and I smile thinking about him smiling as he sang it. It was obvious how much he loved singing it and very clear that he felt every bit of it.

Closing Line: Everything works in your arms.

That's pretty cut and dry. I miss you. I ache for you. It all works with you. Yeah. That all seems good to me.

Heartbreak World

It's actually a bit of a melancholy song, talking about the world that breaks your heart, but then also talking about making dreams come true. It's what we all need to be moving toward...getting out of the heartbreak, figuring out what our dreams are, even if they're not fully developed yet, just going for it.

Opening Line: Let's all pack up and move this year; we'll slip the lines and disappear; leave memories for auctioneers and those just standing still.

The whole song is about leaving what's not working, what's breaking your heart, and moving forward. Sometimes that starts with moving. It may not be from one place to another, but to make any kind of change, you have to move. And you have to pack the old away.

Favorite Line: Let's move out of Los Angeles; and just drive until this summer gives; forget the lives we used to live.

I remember so vividly Matt singing this in San Francisco and when the line about leaving Los Angeles came around the entire venue cheered loudly. I think that, more than anything, makes me smile when I hear this song.

Closing Line: Come on let's make this dream that's barely half awake come true.

I love the strain in his voice on the last line, like he really wants us to come on the journey with him, to find what's going to really make us happy. It's just good!

Gone

This, like many songs, is about leaving, but it's laid out a bit differently. He seems genuinely sad that he's been hurt, that he's fallen out of love, that he has to go. The idea of it makes him short of breath. And apparently, whatever he's leaving, whomever, was the best he ever had, but it's like he knew it wasn't right even though it was really good.

Opening Line: Love; I'm aching to believe; give me something real enough; give me somewhere to fall from.

Continuing the theme of aching for love this line starts the song right. Just give me something. And he doesn't even ask for something real, just real enough. And he doesn't care if he falls. I think so many times we're looking for perfect and we just keep reaching. But we don't take risks and we don't give things a chance. For me, that line says all that and more.

Favorite Line: At its worst the heart is sober, at its worst the heart is cold.

Love Love Love this! I just love the idea that the heart shouldn't be sober or cold. It should be warm and drunk on the person you love. And if it isn't, then what's the point?

Closing Line: I'm gone; and when I disappear, don't expect me back.

In other words, he won't be crawling back to the one he's leaving. And no one should expect him to. He has to make the clean break or he'll never get out of it. This is a good lesson for all of us in more things than just love.

Wedding Dress

When I first heard this song and didn't really listen closely to the words I thought it was about people getting married, and it is, but the meaning seems much deeper than that. I think it could go a couple of ways. One, this guy's getting married, but he's not really sure he should be, and he sees his future wife there in her wedding dress and the idea of forever is just too much for him. Or two, the woman this guy loves is getting married and seeing her in her wedding dress, about to give her forever to someone else, is more than he can bear. I'm not sure what Matt's meaning was here, but it's definitely not a cheery wedding tune.

Opening Line: So we lie here in the dark; all the wrong things on fire; in sickness and health; to be with you; just to be with you.

You can tell in the last part of the line, to be with you, just to be with you, that he's aching to be with this person. But it's not right. You just feel it.

Favorite Line: All I can feel is how long ever after is; and it's all that I can do; to be with you; just to be with you.

I would guess that a lot of people feel this before they're about to get married. I'm not married, nor have I ever been close to getting married, so I can't say for certain, but it seems like when you really think about forever and ever after it can be a little overwhelming. And it's literally going to take every ounce of yourself to be with that person.

Closing Line: I wanna be missing you love; missing you love; all that I have left.

Most of the songs on this album have an actual end, but this one fades away and I think it's completely on purpose. At the end he's frantically missing this person, and he just keeps saying it but the music fades before he can finish. It's like he's being pulled away and as it's happening he knows that person is all he has and he's missing her. Seriously love it.

Bulletproof Weeks

On my first few passes on this album this song didn't stand out as much as some others. I'm not sure if it's because I was in a different place in my life or what, but at some point, it hit me. And it broke me. At first I thought it was a post-9/11 sort of tune, talking about September taking the tourists, and it still has that feel to me, but I think it could also just be talking about transitions and moving on and how it happens without us even noticing sometimes. It's clearly set in New York, and now, after having been to New York, it just makes me want to go back.

Opening Line: Somewhere in between; the beginning and the end; September took the tourists; and settled in for good.

He sounds so sad when this song starts, and the simplicity of his guitar and how we can hear his fingers sliding on the strings...oh my goodness, it makes me sigh. It's like something or someone he loves is gone and he's not even quite sure how they faded away. When it gets to the chorus he asks a lot of questions without actually asking what happened to his love.

Favorite Line: Talking to what's left of you, and watching what I say; counting on the freckles on your perfect face.

It seems to me that somehow the one he loved started to fade away, and we're never sure why, but somehow, the love they had, the fun they had, is gone. It's like maybe they used to be young and carefree and now they're grown up and it's not so simple, not so easy, and it's hard to figure out why or how to move on.

Closing Line: What happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms? What happened to feeling cheap radio songs? What happened to thinking that the world was flat? What happened? What happened to that?

Now, listening again this morning, I'm wondering again if it's more about 9/11 than anything. Maybe its about how we've all changed since then, and nothing is simple anymore, and we can't think about things in the same way. Maybe it's about how we lost something great and we don't know exactly why but we know we miss it.

When I saw him sing this live sometime in 2008, I think in November at the Warfield in San Francisco, I can honestly say I've never heard a venue so quiet. It was quite possibly the most beautiful concert moment I've ever had.

To the Beat of our Noisy Hearts

I like how the album moves from such a mellow point to this song, which is more upbeat and more uplifting at the outset. We meet this girl who is a risk taker and while we all keep moving to the noise around us, she's out there actually living.

Opening Line: She don't lie in bed at night; staring at the ceiling; she don't wait to begin.

Favorite Line: She bets on longshots; she wants what they've got; she skates where the ice thins.

This girl is all about the risk. And that's a good thing. She's doing what people tell her not to, and it's working for her. But then we hear this line: She says pick up the phone 'cause I need to get more alone and your voice drives me crazy. Does she love this guy? And why would she be more alone if he answered? It just seems like there's so much noise around us that maybe we get confused sometimes and need to slow down and really be alone. Most of us don't take the time to do that.

Closing Line: On and on we keep going; crowded like subway cars; on and on to the beat of our noisy hearts.

By the time the song ends my whole perspective changes. I always start it thinking that it's the world around us that's loud, but in the end, I think it's our hearts that are making all the noise, and while it can drown us out, it's what actually drives us. And when we don't hear the noise, we do whatever we can to find it. We take risks, we reach for people, we try to live.

Still

I loved this song from the beginning, but it became one of my favorites after I saw him sing it live at a radio event in 2008. It wasn't released as a single, but it really should have been. I think it's MUCH sexier than Come On Get Higher, more intimate somehow. I just know that you feel every bit of his love for this woman and you, okay I, wish I was her. To have someone remember you like that? Delicious.

Opening Line: I remember hearts that beat; yeah, yeah; I remember you and me; yeah, oh yeah; tangled in hotel sheets; you wore me out, you wore me out.

I can see his face singing this line so clearly, and the smile when he said yeah, oh yeah...goodness. It was perfectly crooked and telling. You could tell he was remembering something beautiful. Whether it was really a moment in a hotel room or something else, it doesn't matter. He's in it, so you're in it.

Favorite Line: And you moved like water, yeah; and you broke like rain; I've never been deeper; so far gone; your sister in the next room with the television on.

Wow. Don't you just get the feeling, even just reading those words, that this love, this romance, this affair, whatever it was, was absolutely beautiful? I've never been deeper. So far gone. It just...well, I think you get it.

Closing Line: Still can feel you kiss me love; still can see your eyes like diamonds, diamonds; memories are strong enough; so come on and drive me wild; come on and drive me wild.

I think by the end we realize he's still in love with this woman and remembers their first days together and just thinking about it is enough to drive him wild, but he doesn't just have to think because she's right there, and no matter how many years have passed, she's still the one. And really, who doesn't want to be that person?

Detroit Waves

This was honestly not one of my favorites when I started listening to the record. It sounded different and didn't seem to fit. But then I started listening more closely and realized how much it's really saying. Matt has such a way with words that sometimes you have to listen several times before really hearing what he's trying to say. That's what this song was like for me. And now I just love it.

Opening Line: So, we let it go to start again; knowing now how all our best intentions never lit the world on fire.

I love this. He's looking back and when we do that we always see the better path we could have taken. We always see that even though we had good intentions with some things, some people, but even our best intentions aren't enough sometimes to make something great.

Favorite Line: When you're warm enough to share your sheets; cold enough to make it seem like I was only there long enough to disappear.

Man. That line says so much. I think the reason this song is more upbeat is that it's telling us a story of a short-lived romance that was exciting at the beginning but just didn't have enough to make it last.

Closing Line: Detroit waves goodnight; spread out, beneath me now; If I could; if I could change, believe me I would, yes I would. Detroit waves. Detroit waves.

I sometimes wonder if this song is more about music and the music industry. I'm still not sure why Detroit plays such a big role in it, but I was thinking about Motown and how so many people had a love affair with it. Or maybe it's about the automobile industry, and how it was all great in the beginning and we fell in love, but then it wasn't great and we knew it, and even though we had the best intentions of making it work we just couldn't. And now Detroit sits there, a broken city, and we would like to see it change, to get better, but we don't know how.

I don't know. It's likely about something completely different, but this is what I've been thinking about.

Falling Apart

This was supposed to be released as a single, and I'm pretty sure there was a video, but it never caught on like Car Crash or Come On Get Higher and I honestly can't understand why. The music is just as good, the lyrics are great, and it's a great song.

Opening Line: Maybe it's because I'm crazy; maybe it's because I just can't honestly tell you what I want.

I love how the piano plays such a nice role at the beginning of this song. Most of Matt's songs are guitar-driven, since he plays the guitar masterfully, so I love how the piano drives the beginning of this. And I love the idea that he's just like, look, I can't even tell you what I want because maybe I don't even know, I just know that what I've got now is not enough. Oh to be this honest in real life.

Favorite Line: I've given up; so call my bluff; 'cause I just need to be reminded who I am.

This line comes after he talks about how people sell you out, how he's safe in the arms of the one he loves, maybe. He's not sure, but he knows he should be safe there, but he feels like they're all over the place, falling apart, spilling over. And he knows he hasn't done everything he's done and said wasn't great, but he also knows it doesn't matter. He's given up and needs to get back to the person he used to be.

Closing Line: So wanna be loved; falling apart; so wanna be loved; so come on, love; so come on, love.

By the time the song ends we see him wanting and reaching for love and all he can say is come on. Come on love. Come find me. I gave up on not wanting you, but now I do. Come on.

Sooner Surrender

I like how the music sort of fades in with a simple pad on a keyboard, and then we hear his guitar, and he starts to tell us a story.

Opening Line: In the party love; some band's playing Hallelujah; Hallelujah; in the corner the all night girls drink wine and try to sing along.

It's funny, but I always wonder what version of Hallelujah the band is playing. I assume it's the Leonard Cohen song that Jeff Buckley sang so beautifully, and one that many, many others have recorded. I assume it's not the Hallelujah chorus, though that would be more entertaining. I like the visual here, of a band just playing in party, probably at a bar, and there's this group of girls singing in the corner. He's painting us a picture of a scene, and the whole idea of them singing or the band playing really has nothing to do with the rest of the song.

Favorite Line: You've got someone new singing you your songs now; I'd sooner surrender than watch the last walls collapse.

Ouch. He's given up. She's got someone else and rather than watching it completely collapse he's surrendered to her. Later we hear that he hates how he just gave up and that he's waiting for love to come back to him and how he's stuck somewhere and she's coming alive. It's heartwrenching, at least to me. It's like he gave up too easily and didn't fight for what he wanted and now he's at some sad party where these sad drunk girls are singing along to a song he can no longer relate to.

Closing Line: I'd sooner surrender, then watch the last wall collapse; I'd sooner surrender, and our love would count for everything; and our love would count for everything; I miss when you were everything.

This is another song that fades away, though not as dramatically as Wedding Dress. But it ends with just simple notes on a keyboard, maybe even an organ, and we know it's over. He let her go and he misses her but she's moved on and all he can do is remember and be sorry and wish he'd fought for her. Sigh.

All We Are

I can only smile when I hear this. Seriously. I don't see how every single on this album wasn't a Top Ten hit. Maybe the world just isn't ready for this sort of honesty. Maybe people don't want to feel this exposed and don't want to admit that they've failed and that what they really want is love. Pure and simple.

Opening Line: Tasted, tasted, love so sweet; and all of it was lost on me; bought and sold like property; sugar on my tongue.

What a great opening line. I've tasted love, but I totally missed it. How many of us can say that? Do we even really know what love is? Would we know it if it happened to us or would it just dissolve like sugar without us even realizing it was there? I wonder about this a lot actually. I can't say I've ever been in love, and no, that's not hard to admit, okay, maybe a little hard, but hearing these words make me wonder if I just missed it, either because I wasn't paying attention or because I just really didn't get it. Am I alone in this?

Favorite Line 1: I went broke believin' that the simple should be hard.

Favorite Line 2: Well it's hard to change the way you lose if you think you've never won.

The fact is, every line in this song could be my favorite, but these two just jump out every time. In fact, for several years now, the second one has been my email tagline. It's just such an interesting idea. You can't change the way you lose, the way you react to losing, if you think you've never won. It's like, if you don't know what being the victor is like, how can you really be sad about losing? And the first line, wow. That is just so true all over our world. We work so hard at stuff that should be simple. Most things are simple and somehow, with our technology and the media blaring at us all the time, they become more complex and much harder to deal with and we kill ourselves trying to figure it all out.

Closing Line: All we are, we are; all we are, we are; and everyday's the start of something beautiful, beautiful.

Perfect end to this record and seriously just brought tears to my eyes listening again. After all the heartache, all the wondering, all the longing, all the missing, we get to start every day fresh. Every day is beautiful and let's us start again. It's just simply perfect.

So, like I said before, if you don't have it already, go get this record. Trust me. You will not regret it. I can only hope Matt's next album, coming out in June, is as good, but this is going to be tough to beat.

And now, I shall rant about Amici's...

2011-04-09T23:24:00.000-07:00

So my friend and I went to Amici's before the Sharks game tonight, as we've done on previous occasions, and were looking forward to a relaxing meal. And it started out okay. The hostess sat us outside and it was nice and cool. I said hi to some other friends sitting inside and everything was jolly and perfect.

Our waitress was a little over the top when she came to the table, thinking she was much funnier that she was, but we just went with it. Her makeup was a little scary and we were afraid she might pop right out of her top due to it being way too tight, but we let that go too. She brought us our drinks, we ordered some bread and then waited. The bread arrived fairly quickly and we ordered our meals. That's when the fun began.

To be fair, we both ordered something not actually on the menu, but it didn't seem that hard. My friend wanted a dish normally served with linguine to be served with penne. The waitress wrote it down and it seemed like a slam dunk. I just wanted some plain penne with garlic and olive oil and maybe a little parmesan. So, I asked for a bowl of penne with said garlic and olive oil and parmesan and seriously, she looked at me like I had two heads. I was like, "Is that possible? To just get plain penne?" And her response was, "So you want a bowl of penne?" "Yes," I said. "With olive oil, garlic and parmesan." This went back and forth again and finally we discovered that the issue was my use of the word bowl. Apparently ordering a BOWL was the hard part. I was like, "Yeah, I don't care what sort of dish it's in. If it was at my house, it would be in a bowl." "Oh, okay."

Wow.

Our food arrived and mine was right, but my friend's was wrong. It came with the linguine. I don't think I need to tell you that it wasn't our server that delivered it but a runner of some sort. When we told him the problem he was like, "Uh, okay, who's your server?" We described her and he left. And left the incorrect dish in front of my friend. I started to eat mine and holy hell was there was lot of garlic in it. I seriously think they roasted a head of garlic, pureed it then squeezed it onto the pasta from a pastry tube. It was crazy!

Time goes by, as does half of my meal, and there is no sign of our waitress or my friend's dinner, until, that is, I see another runner carrying a dish that looks suspiciously like the one already sitting on our table towards us. I then see our server intercept him and tell him that it's supposed to be penne. Yeah. They remade it wrong. Meanwhile, no one ever came to say anything to us like, sorry, or we're re-doing it, or anything. It was several more minutes when the correct dish was delivered by yet another person, and there was no sorry or anything, just the delivery. They also didn't remove the incorrect dish, so it sat there feeling neglected.

Our server did finally happen by after a while and say, "Oh I see you got your penne." That's it. Nothing about being sorry or anything. She didn't ask us how we were doing or if we'd like something more to drink. Nothing. Her tip was long gone at that point.

We finished eating and waited for our check and I kid you not, in the span of 10-15 minutes our server walked by three, maybe four times and didn't once stop or even look in our direction. When we'd had enough we got up, went back inside and asked the hostess if we could speak to the manager.

Now typically, when you explain what's happened to a manager, they offer to comp your meal or provide you free dessert or something. They don't say, "So what would you like me to do for you?" Now he was nice about it, but I'm sorry, he should have just done something. Just fix it dude. Why should we tell you?

In the end, we paid our bill, got two free desserts, and what we thought were two gift certificates for return visits. This was all well and good until we realized the gift certificates were for a large one-topping pizza, unusable on delivery and only valid Monday-Thursday. Really? We didn't even order pizza, so why did he think that was a worthy solution? I was going to just let it go, but now Amici's will be getting a complaint letter from me.

I've never had such terrible service from them, but now they're totally tainted and I have no real interest in going back, at least not to the downtown location.

Thankfully the Sharks won tonight, and thankfully there was some fun during the game or my head might have actually exploded from the ridiculousness of the situation.

Blogging the Idols - Top 11/Top 9

2011-04-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I'm just now catching up with my DVR and watching the last TWO weeks of Idol. Clearly I already know who was evicted, but I felt like I should watch so I could be fully in the know. I'll try to be better this week, but depending on how the Stanley Cup Playoffs are scheduled...well, we'll see...

Alright, here we go...

Top 11 - The Elton John Week

First of all, don't even get me started about how someone got saved the week before...do not approve of that at all! I feel like this: if you're going to let America vote, then let the vote stand. If you want to actually judge, then judge. Stupid.

Second of all, what the HECK is up with Ryan's hair? Goodness.

I'd heard from so many people how bad this week was that I'm honestly not looking forward to it - probably why I'm just now getting to it 10 days later. I anticipate lots of fast forwarding since I'm a HUGE Elton fan and can't imagine anyone being in the vicinity of worthy...

Scotty - Country Comfort: I really just shouldn't listen to anything this kid does because I just can't stand his voice. Please go to Country Idol...wherever that is. This just continues to bother me. Do I even need to say it? Fast. Forward.

Naima - I'm Still Standing: Oh dear. No. No. No. Reggae? Really? No. Done. Definitely not sad that she got kicked off after this one. Buh bye.

Paul - Rocket Man: When I watch Paul in his little interview things I actually like him, but when he sings? I just can't get there. And what was that jacket? Goodness. I just don't like his voice but compared to the other two he's the best so far. Still, I can't listen to the whole thing. I just can't do it.

Pia - Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me: Ahhh...someone I can actually listen to. She looks great and she sounds great. And I'm not fast forwarding. You go Pia.

Stefano - Tiny Dancer: I can't explain it but I just don't like it. It seems uber cheesy...like I'm watching a Vegas lounge act...and wow, I sound like Simon. I miss Simon...sorry, got distracted. Yeah, I just don't like this.

Lauren - Candle in the Wind: She just wants to be Carrie Underwood, and I don't like it. Again, why isn't this one on Country Idol? Oh dear...this is not good. I can't do it. F.F.

James - Saturday Night's Alright: I'm liking him more and more. He's not the best singer, but he's definitely got stage presence and is totally having fun. My favorite of the night so far.

Thia - Daniel: I'm sorry, but how did she get kicked off? This is a good performance! America is stupid.

Casey - Your Song: First of all, did we really need to see him getting the hair/beard trimmed? I'm already bothered and he hasn't stepped on stage. But it definitely looks better. Too bad it didn't really help the performance. He can sing, but this just seems cheesy too. Elton is not cheesy so why are all of these peeps dripping in it? Meh.

Jacob - Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word: Okay, I think I'm over Jacob. It's just too much. I'm with that producer guy...over-dramatizing is killing him. There's no question he can sing, but the performances just don't seem sincere to me. Maybe I'm cranky. I sorta feel like I'm channeling Simon this morning. Note to Jacob: go back and watch Ruben in season two. That is all.

Haley - Benny and the Jets: Ummm...what is THIS? Only Michelle Pfeiffer can sing from a piano and get away with it. This is one of my least favorite Elton songs to start with and her version isn't helping the cause. Although she was still better than some I still don't like it and I'm kicking it to the curb.

My favorite: James. Definitely. Pia a close second.

My least favorite: Ummm...everyone else? If I had to pick, I'd pick Naima. Yuck.

Top 9 - The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Week

Jacob - Man in the Mirror: I have to admire him for changing the song to do what's more honest for him, but really? "It'll be because everybody in America wasn't ready to look at themselves in the mirror." Goodness. But, he sounds and looks good. I actually feel like this performance is sincere. Much better than the prior week. MUCH.

Haley - Piece of My Heart: I'm in pain from this. It doesn't help that I can't stand Janis Joplin, so maybe she was good, but I do not like it and I do not want it.

Casey - Have You Ever Seen the Rain: Ugh. Really? Pretentious much? Wow. I seriously feel so bothered and irritated watching this. Maybe someone needs to feed me because nothing is exciting me right now. Fast Forwarded.

Lauren - Natural Woman: WHAT is she wearing? I feel like she's Diana Degarmo revisited this week. Again, she can sing, I just don't particularly like it. I think I've been watching this show too long. This is just very meh for me.

James - While My Guitar Gently Weeps: It doesn't help that I do not like this song at all, but he's okay. I think. I don't know. I feel bored.

Scotty - That's Alright Mama: "It's not gonna be the country Scotty." Really? Pretty sure he can't sing anything else. Nope. This is country. But Elvis had a bit of country in him, so I guess it matches. I still don't like it.

Pia - River Deep, Mountain High: Okay, how exactly was she kicked off? I reiterate my comment from the week before. America is STUPID. Because this is really good. So far my favorite of the night.

Stefano - When a Man Loves a Woman: Too big of a song for this kid. Sorry, but I'm seriously done with him. He can sing, but it's just too cheese for me.

Paul - Folsom Prison Blues: Okay, this might be my favorite performance of his. I don't think he was the best of the night, but I don't feel as annoyed as I usually do. It's like he finally found the right song.

My favorite: Pia. No question. Seriously, how is she no longer a contestant? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

My least favorite: Haley and Casey. YUCK. Please go away.

I feel like I want to go back and watch the early seasons of Idol and see if I'm as annoyed as I am now because I don't remember being as annoyed by the contestants as I have in the last few seasons. And so far, no one has just jumped out as my favorite like in other years (hello, Ruben? Chris Daughtry? David Cook? Kelly?). Maybe that's why I'm so bothered this season...no one is jumping out to me as my favorite so I'm not as invested. I don't know. Maybe I just miss Simon. Maybe I'm too old. Maybe I need a snack. Anyway...next week we're down to eight, so we'll see how it goes.

Until then...happy singing!

Top 15 Concert Memories

2011-04-05T21:38:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Todd Carey's Ping playlists over the last few weeks and have really enjoyed seeing what he's listening to and why, finding some great new music along the way, and I thought for a moment that I might want to do my own list. And so, thanks to TC's challenge, here we go...

I decided my list needed a theme or I'd just be listing hundreds of songs I think are awesome, and I started thinking about concerts I'd been to and decided to create a playlist of my top 10 (okay 15 because I couldn't narrow it down!) concert memories. They are in order by when I saw the concert...I found the best videos I could...some mine, some the official videos, some from other people...enjoy!

1 - Al Jarreau - Roof Garden - Saw him live at Red Rocks in 1984. It really doesn't get much more awesome than Red Rocks, and his voice...so pure, so perfect. Hearing this song now takes me right back to that moment.

2 - Boyz II Men - Motownphilly - Saw them in Pittsburgh in 1992 open for Jodeci who were the opener for MC Hammer. Yeah. They were brand new. And all kinds of awesome! Their harmonies were spot on and I love that I saw them when they were first starting out.

3 - Luther Vandross - A House Is Not A Home - Saw him in Pittsburgh in 1992 also and he did not disappoint. We lost a great voice when Luther died, and this song live was simply amazing. It can bring me to tears even today.

4 - Public Enemy - Fight the Power - They opened for U2 on the ZooTV tour, and I saw it in Chicago in 1993 (I think...maybe 1992). I probably wouldn't have gone to see them on their own but wow. They could perform! Great lyrics, great presence...still love this song.

5 - Burlap to Cashmere - Basic Instructions - This band only recently came back on the scene, and I am so glad! I saw them tour off their first album in 2000 in San Francisco (The Warfield) and I honestly don't think I've ever seen anyone play guitar like them. Their hands moved so unbelievably fast that I really thought I was seeing things. This song always reminds me of that night, and I've still never seen anyone else play like that.

6 - Third Day - Agnus Dei - I first saw Third Day in 2000 at Marine World in California, and this is the song they ended their show with. It was quite possibly the most moving experience I've ever had at a concert and thinking about it now just gave me chills. One of my all-time favorite bands who I have actually seen more than ten times now, but I will certainly never forget that first show.

7 - Train - When I Look to the Sky - In 2004 Train played 4 or 5 shows at this tiny little club in San Francisco called Cafe du Nord. It might hold 200 people. We were lucky enough to get tix for the Friday night show and wow. It was AMAZING! I could have honestly picked any song from that night, but this is one of my favorites and seeing them perform it live and being so close to them was truly great. However, the best part of the night was being handed a cd of the first two-thirds of the show when we walked out. Yeah. Very few people have that cd. So very cool.

8 - Switchfoot - On Fire - Another band that I have seen more than 10 times, and they play this at every show, but I remember the first time I saw them at The Warfield in San Francisco. Truly amazing showmen and phenomenal musicians. So much energy! This song moves me so deeply...I couldn't even describe it in words if I tried. Switchfoot live is something everyone should experience at least once.

9 - U2 - Where the Streets Have No Name - My memory of this song at a U2 concert is actually from the second time I saw them, which was in San Jose in 2005 on their Vertigo tour. I always loved this song before that show, but something about the way the stage lights moved and the swell of the crowd noise when The Edge starts playing the very famous opening riff...wow. It was spine tingling and it is now one of my absolute favorite U2 songs and the thing I remember most about that show.

10 - Matt Nathanson - Still - If you've never seen Matt in concert, make plans to do so immediately. It's so much more than just a concert. The man is hilarious and can, in one night, make me laugh until my sides hurt and bring me near tears. The performance of Still I'm remembering is from a radio show he played on Halloween at a tiny place in San Francisco called The Slide Lounge. It was about as close to perfect as a person can get. Watching his emotion as he sang the words that I knew by heart made it so much more special for me. Of course, the fact that in the middle of the show we had a 1-2 minute exchange about my phone made the night fairly memorable too...

11 - JJ Heller - Love Me - I've seen JJ perform this many times, and while I can't pinpoint a specific date, I just know that it never ceases to move me. She has since re-recorded this and renamed it What Love Really Means, but I will always know it as Love Me. The words are so pure and so real, and I can't help but think part of it was written just for me. JJ and her husband Dave are longtime friends and I can only smile when I hear their music now...could not be more happy for them.

12 - Kelly Clarkson - Sober - I saw Kelly sing this live in San Jose in late 2009 and wow. The song hadn't done a lot for me on the record but hearing it live changed my attitude completely. Simply amazing. The woman can just flat out sing.

13 - Billy Joel - Scenes from An Italian Restaurant - Hands down my favorite Billy song, and while I've seen him sing it live several times I'm remembering the last time, in San Jose in 2010. Billy is pure rock and roll and this song embodies all of it. Absolutely awesome.

14 - Elton John - Levon - I've seen Elton several times too, but I don't ever remember him performing Levon until the last time I saw him, which was in San Jose in 2010. I only need to hear the introductory notes and I'm completely lost in the song. It's always been a very moving song to me, and I will never forget him doing it live that night.

15 - Todd Carey - Photograph - Since my list was inspired by Todd I certainly couldn't leave him off of it, but believe me, he would have made it either way. In a little less than 6 months in 2010/2011 I saw TC in concert 3 times, but there is nothing I will ever remember more than him playing Photograph - my absolute favorite of his songs - in the green room in this tiny little club in DC called The Red Palace. Truly a night I will never forget.

So, there you have it...maybe I'll do another one of these some day...we'll see...

Blogging the Idols - Top 11

2011-03-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

So one of my friends questioned today how I could make a fair assessment of a performance without watching the whole thing. My answer? I never claimed my critiques were fair.

So, if you were also wondering that, well, now you know. It's not about fair. It's about what I like and don't like. This is why I'm not actually a judge on the show. Sure, they asked me to be one, but I knew I'd throw things from my seat, so I politely declined.

My friend and I are in disagreement on this year's idols so far, but we both agree we'd like to vote Seacrest off the island. Where is THAT option for us?

Anyway...let's get on with it, shall we?

Number one: Casey - I Heard it Through the Grapevine

Oh dear. Casey's eyes are freaking me out, as is his hair. In fact, his whole performance is sorta freaking me out. I still like his voice, but not a fan of this. Yep. Fast forward.

Number two: Thia - Heat Wave

Ooo, liking it. And the outfit is cute. Eek. A little pitchy at the high end, but not horrid. Her ooo's were a little weird, but overall I liked it.

Number three: Jacob - You're All I Need to Get By

Okay, the background singers were a little weak to start with. I feel bored. I still like his voice too, but this isn't doing it for me. Uh huh. Fast forward.

Number four: Lauren - You Keep Me Hanging On

Okay, she was mumbling so much in the little video that I was already annoyed to start with. Enunciate sister! Do not like her dress. Yikes. Oh no. I'm not a fan of the faux flirting with the judges. She sounds better than she has in other weeks. Funny, the women seem to be more interesting to me this week than the men. Is that just me?

Number five: Stefano - Hello

Wait, he'd never heard the song? Huh? I'm leery. Oh. Oh my. No. Can't do it. It's not good. And a little scary. Fast forward...and go find Lionel Richie albums.

Side note: Do we really need to see and have conversations with the celebs in the audience? Time waster.

Number six: Haley - You've Really Got a Hold on Me

Oh. Oh wow. Where do I even start? Right. I start by fast forwarding. That was just...well...it wasn't good...

Number seven: Scotty - For Once In My Life

Again. He can sing, but I just don't like the country. And to country-fy Stevie Wonder? That hurt me. I couldn't listen to all of it. Sorry.

Number eight: Pia - All In Love Is Fair

I don't really have a lot to say about her. It's actually really good. She's clearly very comfortable in this genre, and there's no doubt she can sing. My favorite so far.

Number nine: Paul - The Tracks of My Tears

Well, that says it all doesn't it? "I can't sing it like Smokey." Not that anyone else could either of course. Okay, I just don't like his voice. That's the bottom line. And this is just bad. And now it's gone.

Number ten: Naima - Dancing in the Street

I don't like the outfit, but she sounds good. Yeah. She's rockin' it. The dancing was a little over the top, but I think she was definitely the best so far. And wait, I think my friend and I may actually agree! What?!

Number eleven: James - Livin' for the City

Ah, one of my favorite Stevie songs...let's see how it goes. Okay, he sounds great. Uh oh, I think my friend and I might agree again. It's a toss up as to whether or not he or Naima were my favorite. I really liked this.

Favorite: It was close, but I gotta go with James. Naima was a close second and then Pia.

Least Favorite: Tie between Haley and Stefano. Yikes and ouch.

So, in just a few hours we'll see who goes...got this in just under the wire...next week, Top Ten!

Blogging the Idols - Top 12

2011-03-22T19:39:00.000-07:00

I was on vacation last week and wasn't able to watch the Idol until tonight. So while I already know who was evicted (see ya Karen), I'm still going to blog this for you...or maybe just for me. Whatever...here we go...

Number one: Naima - What's Love Got to Do With It?

I'm sorry, but if you don't have Tina's legs, then you shouldn't even try to sing Tina's song. I don't get this girl. What is with the outfit? Yuck. And yeah...she really can't sing. Had to fast forward.

Number two: Paul - I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues

I'm sorry, but I just don't like his voice. What is that style exactly? I'm trying to get it, I really am, but I'm failing. And now I'm fast forwarding. Sorry Paul.

Number three: Thia - Colors of the Wind

OMG, she was born in 1995??? I'm gonna try to get past that. Her cause wasn't helped by how much I hate this song...and normally I'm a HUGE Vanessa Williams fan, but this song is from a bad movie and it's all tainted. However...she can sing. Yes. I'm a fan of her performance. You go young one. You go.

Number four: James - I'll Be There For You

It's hard for me to hear (or see) anyone else sing a Bon Jovi song, because no one will ever be good enough. James was okay, but mostly he just made me wanna go find the video of the original song so I could see Jon singing. Not a huge fan of this, but better than Naima and Paul. Not sure that's saying a whole lot though.

Number five: Haley - I'm Your Baby Tonight

Oh dear. No. Just no. She is too young to be singing this. Do.Not.Like. Fast forwarded. Unless you're Whitney Houston, you shouldn't be singing a Whitney Houston song. That is all.

Number six: Stefano - If You Don't Know Me By Now

Pretty sure this was done by someone else before Simply Red but I can't remember who. Always liked it. Okay. I'm liking this. Yeah. He can sing. Oh, was it Billy and the Beaters that it did it before? I realize I could look it up but I'm just counting on one of you knowing. He's definitely the best of the night so far. No question about that. Oh, Harry Melvin and the Blue Notes...thanks Randy...

Side note one: What is up with J Lo's giant hair?
Side note two: The men are like 100 times better than the women.
Side note three: I just don't need to know everyone's back story. If we got rid of those, this show could be an hour instead of two. Just saying.

Number seven: Pia - Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Oh dear...another Whitney song? I'm scared. Oh no. No no no. First of all, that outfit? Ouch. Second of all, see my prior comment about Whitney songs. Are you Whitney? Okay then. Third of all, she still just bugs me. Fast forwarding.

Number eight: Scotty - Can I Trust You With My Heart?

Oy. 1993? These peeps are making me feel old. I think he can sing, but I just can't do the country music. I just don't like it. Nope. Can't do it. Had to fast forward. Sorry Scotty.

Number nine: Karen - Love Will Lead You Back

OMG. What is she wearing??? I'm kind of scared of it; like that bun could take me out and those earrings could be used as handcuffs. I'm totally distracted by the outfit. Her singing's rather meh, but not as bad as some others. From what I've seen so far, she's not the one I would have voted off. I'm still gonna fast forward because I don't need to hear any more to know it's not gonna get any better.

Number ten: Casey - Smells Like Teen Spirit

Ugh. I seriously hate this song. I'm scared. Okay, kinda love that he's playing the bass. And he's actually not bad. Not nearly as annoying as Cobain. In fact, I can actually understand the words. Still hate the song, but he's not bad at all. In fact, he's pretty stinkin' good. Not my favorite, but probably the second best so far in my mind.

Number eleven: Lauren - I'm The Only One

1994? Goodness. I seriously love this song, and I'm scared that she's about to ruin it for me. And I was right. I can't listen. At all. Oy.

Number twelve: Jacob - Alone

Never liked this song. Never liked Heart. Jacob's almost making it bearable, but honestly, not really liking his voice on it. But it may just be that the song is tainted. Nonetheless, it's getting fast forwarded.

My favorite: Stefano, followed closely by Casey.

My least favorite: Again. A toss up, but I don't think Karen was the worst. I would say Haley, then Lauren, then Naima.

Guess we'll see what happens next...what did you guys think?

Blogging the Idols - Top 13

2011-03-10T18:07:00.000-08:00

I haven't watched this season's Idol until now. I just couldn't do all that pre stuff again. I do think the talent overall is better than last year when I had to stop watching completely. I can still only watch it via DVR though. I'd have to kill myself if I couldn't fast forward through the performances I don't like or the Ryan Seacrest chatter. Anyway...thought I'd blog my thoughts this year, so here we go...what did you think?

One: Lauren
Country. No. Not a fan. And she was pitchy. Had to fast forward.

Two: Casey
YES. A thousand kinds of yes, and I do NOT like Joe Cocker, so the fact that I still loved the performance says a lot.

Three: Ashton
Oh. Where do I start? No. Under pitch the first few phrases. Had to fast forward.

Four: Paul
Okay. I can get behind Paul. Not a fan of Ryan Adams, but I sorta dug it. A little pitchy, but really enjoyed the performance.

Five: Pia
Do you think she knows Celine Dion wasn't the first person to sing that song? She was pretty good. Didn't dig that train thing on her dress though. And something about her just bugged. But the singing part was okay.

Six: James
Ummm...did.not.like. Hard because I LOVE that song and hearing someone else sing it is tough. He was okay, but just not really a fan. Fast forwarded.

Seven: Haley
LeAnn Rimes is your idol? I feel old. Still country. And still do.not.like. Fast forwarded.

Seriously, when did this become Country Idol? Isn't there a different show for that??? I blame Carrie Underwood for this. Bothered.

Eight: Jacob
Is it bad that I know he worked at Burke Williams based on the fact he mentioned Hunter's Retreat? A little concerned that R Kelly's his idol, but that is one of my favorite songs and he definitely did it justice. I DO believe I can fly.

Nine: Thia
One of my favorite songs. But not the way she sang it. She can sing, but I did not like this at all. Fast forwarded.

Ten: Stefano
Another one of my favorite songs. Not a fan of his version. Techno? Just say no. Don't really think it was right for his voice. Not a fan. Fast forwarded.

Eleven: Karen
Selena. J Lo. Hmmm... Love this song too. But wow. This wasn't good. Kinda boring actually. And something about her bugged too.

Twelve: Scotty
Oh dear. More country. I kinda want to cry. It's clear the kid can sing, but my ears can't handle it. Sorry, but had to fast forward.

Thirteen: Naima
Rhianna's your idol? Really? Hmmm... Oh dear. I kinda want to punch this performance in the face. Bad.

My favorite: Jacob, hands down.

My least favorite: Wow. That's a toss up. Naima and Ashton, but the country stuff just makes me cringe so I really can't judge.

Until next week...

I'm about to go on a rant...

2011-03-03T21:04:00.000-08:00

It won't take long and there might be another one later. Right now my rant is about turn signals and the apparent difficulty most drivers have using them. Seriously. How hard is it? You see me wondering if I can turn out of the parking lot/driveway/street. You already know you're turning into the parking lot/driveway/street. You know I'm waiting to see if you turn or not, but since you have no interest in expending the energy to turn on your signal I must wait until you're mid-turn to make my move. And of course by that time, there's a car behind you not turning so I am forced to wait longer. Had you only signaled I would be gone by now. Don't even get me started about those of you that don't signal before pulling in front of me on the freeway. You live in your own special world and the rest of us are just your slaves.

Here are my only exceptions for NOT using the turn signal:

1 - It's 2 in the morning and you are, in fact, the only car on the road, on any road, in any town, anywhere.

2 - You're actually in a turn lane. In fact, when you use the turn signal while in a turn lane you are just wasting energy and with every flash of your turn signal you decrease its life.

That's it. Those are the exceptions. Think you can handle that?

Good. I'm done...for now.

Blogging the Grammy performances

2011-02-18T20:57:00.000-08:00

Finally got to my recording of the Grammy's. I was so bothered that it wasn't live here that I just read all the winners and didn't even bother watching it when it aired. I gotta say, it's actually nice to just fast forward to (and through) the performances. Here are my thoughts...what did you think?

Aretha Tribute - Too many people, and I was bored from the beginning...and I LOVE Aretha, but that did not do her justice.

Lady Gaga - Really good; not sure what was up with her shoulders, but she can flat out sing.

Miranda Lambert - Fast forwarded...and not just because she's country but because she sounded awful; okay, mostly because she's country.

MUSE - I'm still bitter about selling our tickets for this last year due to it interfering with Sharks playoffs; they rocked the Grammy stage! So glad they won some trophies too.

Bruno Mars/B.o.B/Janelle Monae - I love Bruno, and he sounded good. What was up with B.o.B's monocle? That was whack...and he looked super nervous, but he sounded okay, not great, but okay. I LOVED the old school Bruna part too. Very cool and sooo much better than what's on the radio. I'm just not a fan of Janelle. She can sing, but I just don't like it. Maybe I'm distracted by her hair. She got fast forwarded.

Justin Bieber/Usher - Really? We know how you met. You don't need to cheese-ify it. I like Bieber's music. I like pop, but I'm a little tired of the media and industry telling us how great he is. It's all a little too pre-packaged for me. The part where he sang with the guitar was good. The other part was...well...just whatever. Fast forwarded.

Jaden Smith/Justin Bieber - I have no words. Why was this necessary? Fast forwarded through this too.

Usher - Wow. You are better than that. Too much production. Just sing next time okay? Yuck. Fast forward.

Mumford & Sons/The Avett Brothers/Bob Dylan - M&S are good musicians, just not a huge fan. Feel the same way about Avetts too. I didn't even listen to Bob Dylan because my ears just can't handle that.

Lady Antebellum - Nope. Fast forwarded.

Cee Lo/Gwyneth Paltrow - Ummm...really? Cee Lo can sing, but o.m.g. what wearing? I just find it hilarious that this song is everywhere wth it's "forget you" lyric when everyone knows the real lyric and that's all they actually hear in their head. I like Gwyneth, and she can actually sing, but meh. Not interested. The whole thing was weird.

Katy Perry - Okay, not sure what that outfit was about either, and why can't she sing live? It seems like she used to be able to. Bored. Fast forwarded.

Norah Jones/John Mayer/Keith Urban - Oh John. You couldn't memorize those words? You had look at the monitor? I actually liked their sound, and I always liked that song. John and Keith can play some guitar too. John is looking a bit sleezier than usual though...what's that about?

Rhianna/Adam Levine/Eminem - Actually kinda loved her dress. And she sounded pretty good. His background vocals weren't bad either. Soooo happy Eminem joined her. He's just so good!

Skylar Grey/Eminem/Dr. Dre - I like that Skylar's voice...don't know where she came from, but I freaking love Eminem! Seriously. So much talent. Kind of entertained by how much he tested the CBS censors too. Heh. And it doesn't really get much better than Dr. Dre. So much awesomeness in this performance.

Mick Jagger - I'm not a Rolling Stones fan. At all. But I gotta say, he looked pretty good, whatever that means for him. And he sounded good too. I was highly entertained.

Barbra Streisand - I've never been a fan and yep, still not. I tried to listen, but I just couldn't do it. Fast forwarded. She did look pretty good though. I guess.

Rhianna/Drake - Not a fan of the song. Fast forwarded. She shoulda stuck with Eminem.

Arcade Fire - Really couldn't tell you a single song of theirs. And really not a fan of their performance. Fast forwarded. Ummm...and what's with the post-win extra performance? Is that new? I still don't like it.

Overall, my favorite performance was absolutely Eminem. Mick Jagger was second and MUSE was third. So, the awards themselves? They gave out only 14 of the 100+ awards on TV, which I think is just ridiculous. I know they can't put them all on, but really? 14? Stupid. I agreed with some, disagreed with some and didn't care about others.

So there you have it. Grammys 2011 done. Next up? Oscars.

Movies, phones and naps don't mix

2011-02-12T21:31:00.000-08:00

My friend and I went to see No Strings Attached today...you know, the Ashton Kutcher/Natalie Portman flick about being friends with benefits. And let me just start this blog off by saying that we really liked the movie. It was sweet and funny and Ashton isn't terrible to look at.

We debated which seats to choose when we got into the theatre as both of us are typically back row movie watchers...and believe me, today's adventure made it very clear why. Well, we didn't pick the back row because the seats in the back row were adjacent to an area for wheelchairs and we decided to sit in the row in front of them. Stupid, stupid us.

When we sat down there was a couple a few seats away from us and another couple of people at the other end of the row. There were two people in the row behind us on the other end. And then, of course, two people sat in the seats we decided not to sit in. Right behind us.

The movie hadn't started, so most people were talking, but these two behind us were LOUD. I believe we actually heard the man say the word masturbate at one point and we both nearly fell out of our seats. We debated moving but then convinced ourselves that they were grown ups and would quiet down once the movie started. Seriously. We were stupid.

Meanwhile, while my friend and I were chatting, again, before the movie or even the previews started, I got shushed by the woman in the couple a few seats down from us. Yeah. She shushed me. Awesome.

The lights went down and the folks behind us did get quiet, but as the movie got started we heard some quiet chatter and it was definitely annoying. But not as annoying as her phone ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And her rummaging through her purse saying loudly that she turned it off and couldn't figure out what happened. Again, awesome. Five or ten minutes later it rang again and the man in the couple in our row told her a thing or two about it. It was special.

The movie went on and my friend and I were laughing at the movie and at the phone ringing and at the man yelling at the woman when suddenly, there was snoring. Oh yes. Snoring. And not just a little bit of snoring, but a lot of loud snoring. I was almost crying I was laughing so hard, trying to keep quiet, and my friend was the same. It would stop and then startle us when it started again, and seriously, it went through the rest of the movie. Unbelievable.

When the credits started to roll and the lights came up the couple next to us were suddenly our friends and we lamented about the two behind us. Apparently it was the phone lady that was snoring. Such a treat.

I can guarantee that I will never not sit in the back row again after today. Like I said, we still enjoyed the movie. We just didn't realize our ticket price also included an extra dose of entertainment and a shot of annoyance. They should really advertise that so you know what you're really paying for.

Thanks for the fun Camera 7. You never cease to entertain me.

Birthday Friday: Yeah, it was yay.

2011-02-04T22:50:00.000-08:00

I turned 43 today. I'm not afraid of it. It doesn't bother me. I'm 43. See? I said it again. FORTY-THREE! And it was an excellent day! I did have to work this morning, but it wasn't too bad and leaving at noon meant traffic was a breeze.

My first stop was Pluto's and I had a yummy salad while enjoying the 70 degree weather. Yeah. SEVENTY DEGREES! In February!! This is why I love California.

Next I walked further into Santana Row and spent some time at Burke Williams having a divine facial. I left there completely relaxed and wishing I could visit every day. Pure joy.

From there I journeyed across Winchester to the old Century dome theatres (now the Winchester something or other) and saw The Fighter. Wow. GREAT movie. I can't believe I waited this long to see it. It's deserving of everything it's nominated for and everything it wins. Also, the popcorn was yay.

When that was over I wandered back to Santana Row and met my friend Marcie and her daughter Ashley at The Counter for dinner. The burgers are always good, but let's be honest, I really only go there for the sweet potato fries. Tonight however, I got an extra bonus because Ashley made me a cake. And not just any cake, but a divinely decorated Happy Bacon Birthday cake - YES! Seriously, could this be any cuter? No. It could not.

We roamed about the Row after dinner, then I came home and opened presents and cards from my family and I can honestly say this has been an excellent birthday! I'm so thankful to the 100+ people who posted Happy Birthday wishes on my Facebook wall, and to the numerous others who tweeted, called or sent me a text (text'd?). I am truly blessed.

Finally, I decided to continue a tradition I started two years ago by re-doing the whole iPod/iTunes shuffle and seeing how things have changed. I selected this year's songs from the Recently Played section of iTunes, so this is what I've been listening to obsessively for weeks, months, maybe even since last year. In case you don't remember last year's version, you can check it out here. Or the year before, here. It's a little cheesy, but then again, so am I.

ENJOY!

Opening Credits:
Where Are You Tonight - Todd Carey

Waking Up:
Your Love Is A Song - Switchfoot

First Day at School:
Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

What Your Friends Think of You:
My Only One - Plain White T's

What You Think of Your Friends:
Drawn Out - Dishwalla

What You Think of Your Best Friend:
Hurricane - Thirty Seconds to Mars

What You Like in a Boy:
Always - Switchfoot

Falling in Love:
Start A Fire - Ryan Star

Fight Song:
The King Of Cliche - Todd Carey

Breaking Up:
Photograph - Todd Carey

Prom:
Today, Tonight - Dishwalla

What You Wanted to Be When You Grew Up:
Enough To Let Me Go - Switchfoot

Life:
Party Up - Brandon Mychal Smith

How You Describe Yourself:
Cry Out To Jesus - Third Day

How You Feel Today - Your Birthday!:
Friends, Lovers or Nothing - John Mayer

Mental Breakdown:
Sing It Out - Switchfoot

Your Life's Purpose:
Revelation - Third Day

Your Motto:
Feel - Matchbox Twenty

What You Think About Often:
Suspended - Matt Nathanson

Your Hobby/Interest:
Give Me The Meltdown - Rob Thomas

Your Biggest Fear:
Last Train Home - Ryan Star

Your Biggest Secret:
Holiday - Green Day

Driving:
Gotta Be Next To You - Todd Carey

Flashback:
Masterpiece - Todd Carey

Getting Back Together:
Don't Waste The Pretty - Allison Iraheta f/Orianthi

Wedding Scene:
Hallelujah - Todd Carey

Your Wedding Dance:
New Morning - Alpha Rev

What You Think of When You See the Love of Your Life:
The First Day - Todd Carey

Birth of Child:
Assassin - John Mayer

Life Story:
The One - Brandon Heath

Final Battle:
Count On Me - Bruno Mars

Death Scene:
A Beautiful Lie - Thirty Seconds to Mars

Funeral Song:
Losing Your Memory - Ryan Star

End Credits:
American Idiot - Green Day

Why would you...?

2011-01-23T13:23:00.000-08:00

I should stop being surprised at people and how they behave, but sometimes, there are just so many things happening that I feel the need to share. So here then, are a few observations from last night's Sharks game, with a few tidbits from a couple of other games too. I can really only shake my head...

Why would you...

...not take a shower for several days then sit next to us after eating a meal composed, apparently, of only onions? Why would you knowingly sit in the middle of a crowd and make us all hold our noses? Do you seriously not smell it? Seriously?

Why would you...

...not lean back even after you were asked more than once by fans behind you and the usher and the announcement on the big screen? Why is it hard? Do you just not care that those behind you can't see? Are you so much more important than the rest of us? Oh you are? Sorry. My bad.

Why would you...

...pull your exhausted child into your arms and rock him back and forth, hitting my arm every time you move and distracting me from the game? Why not just take the child home or move into his seat so the mere presence of me next to you doesn't invade your space? Did you even see one play in the game?

Why would you...

...bring your child who has no interest in being there but every interest in annoying those around him or her by kicking their seat, pulling their hair and just being generally bothersome? How is this fun for you?

Also, don't think we didn't hear you when you said, after we asked you to have your child stop kicking the seats and jarring us all to our core, "Some people just don't like kids..." with a stupidly snarky tone. We heard. Trust me though, it's you we don't like. Not your kid. Your kid is four. You're, in theory, a grown up. You should know what isn't appropriate. But I guess some people are just...never mind...

Why would you...

...get so drunk before you got to the game that you could barely walk up the stairs, come close to flashing your boob at the crowd and get irritated when people want to come and go from your row? There's no way on the planet that you have any interest in the game so why bother?

Oh wait. You like this don't you? You like the attention and you nearly flashed us on purpose didn't you? I wonder, skanky wannabe flasher, if you even realized there was a game going on that people were trying to watch when you nearly knocked over their child. I also wonder if you know that whole ripped jeans look was never really in style.

Why would you...

...sit behind us and loudly talk about everything BUT the game? If you just want to chat with your pal, why not just go to dinner? What is the point of doing that during a game?

We notice that it's only you talking and that we don't hear your friend's voice much. We wonder if they really are your friend or if they are now regretting offering you that ticket at the office earlier in the day. Oh wait, now you're talking about the game. Cool. Oh good. You're an expert. We were looking for one of those. We're sure your friend was too. When she asked you what icing was, we're so glad you quoted, word for word, the hockey rule book. Thank you. Really.

Why would you...

...f'ing stay with a guy who'd f'ing left you more than once in a f'ing public venue? And why would you f'ing make us listen to this one-sided f'ing phone conversation while we waited for the f'ing light rail to show up? Look, now you've got me doing it. Are you trying to prove how many times you can say f'ing in front of people? Are you trying to prove you're an idiot?

Mission accomplished.

We totally think you're an idiot, because if someone left us at f'ing Disneyland, we would have left their sorry f'ing butt for good.

Oh wait. You're wearing a Boston Red Sox sweatshirt. And that guy that just stumbled by is wearing a Boston Bruins shirt. That pretty much says it all. Do you even know you're in San Jose? I wonder. It's cute how you're sitting on separate benches pretending you don't know each other. It's not cute that your boy mooned us after he dropped his phone and leaned over to pick it up. Eww.

Oh yeah. Downtown San Jose and random people in the Shark Tank are a treat. But hey, the Sharks won...fourth in a row. And that made the night great.

Sometimes, you just have to be a little hare-brained

2011-01-11T02:51:00.000-08:00

So, if you read my last post you know that I was having an all-out war with the first week of January. In case you missed it, let's recap:

Monday, January 3 - First day back at work after being off for 10 days. Right away you know it's just going to be a hot mess. What I didn't expect was to have my first call be to HR. That's never a good way to start the day. I certainly didn't expect to encounter a software problem that impacted literally every employee on campus, and I really didn't expect the cause of it be related to people not doing their jobs. Finally, as if that weren't enough, and this is really what sent Monday straight downhill, one of my employees resigned. And it was completely unexpected; a great opportunity for him, a crappy moment for me. And at the end of the night the Sharks lost, so it was really just a day I wanted to forget. And then came Tuesday.

Tuesday, January 4 - Well, that started off by me oversleeping, which I NEVER do. So I drove out of my neighborhood at 7:50 knowing I had an 8:30 meeting...32 miles north. Awesome. Do I really need to tell you that the drive, which on a good take takes 35-45 minutes took an hour? Yes. An hour. Lots of traffic, multiple accidents, not good. I was 30 minutes late to the meeting. Oh, did I mention it was our bi-weekly staff meeting with our VP? Yeah. That was great. The best part though was that in my mad rush to leave the house, I forgot my purse. That's right. No purse. No ID. No money. Nothing. I was pretty done with the week, January and even 2011 at that point. I wanted to go back.

Wednesday, January 5 - When I got up Wednesday morning I blogged everything out and made myself have a truce with January. And I was feeling good about it too. And then, I fell down my stairs. Seriously. It was like a joke. And yet not, because I have a giant bruise as evidence that it actually happened. I'm lucky I didn't hurt myself worse, but needless to say, I wasn't very excited about Wednesday either. When I got to work, I had just had it and decided a hare-brained scheme needed to ensue. So, I called my friend in Chicago and asked her what she was up to over the weekend, and after a few minutes I decided I would go. And so, I used a free ticket, rescheduled a few meetings and had a plan. Wednesday definitely improved after that point.

Thursday, January 6 - Thursday actually started off great. I was excited about my scheme and for most of the day, Thursday behaved. But then, as I was getting things ready to leave, the most bizarre thing ever happened. I actually got my bracelet stuck on my purse and couldn't get it off. I sat under a light for nearly 20 minutes to attempt an extraction but it just wasn't happening. It's still on there now, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to take it to a jeweler to get it off. Seriously. Ridiculous. But you know, it wasn't horrible. So I went home, changed purses and went to the Sharks game. And that turned Thursday into crap. Another loss that left everyone wondering if we'd even make the playoffs.

Friday, January 7 - Friday was mostly good, though it was the last day for one of my employees who had resigned in December, so that was a bit of a downer. Great opportunity for her though, and we had a nice lunch to celebrate. We also left early and went to a signing with Dany Heatley from the San Jose Sharks. It was fun to see him and get his autograph, but I was really happy to just get home and get ready for my trip.

Saturday, January 8 - Hare-brained scheme put into action...nearly perfect flight to Chicago, where I actually landed 25 minutes early. When does that ever happen? Uh, never. I knew I was off to a good start.

Most of the weekend was spent relaxing and eating...neither of which are a bad thing. Saw some movies, laughed and talked a lot and saw some wonderful people.

In the end, I had an absolutely divine weekend, which was topped off by seeing Todd Carey at Schubas Tavern. When I planned my scheme earlier in the week I remembered that he was starting his month-long residency (playing every Monday in January!) last night, and I honestly couldn't believe I'd figured out a way to see him in Chicago. Of course, he did not disappoint and my friends that joined me had a great time too.

I hate that I have to leave this morning, but it's been a perfect getaway, and I think now I'll be able to handle the rest of January. So, until next time...

I just hate January

2011-01-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

There are no pictures accompanying this blog today because frankly, I'm not in the mood. You see, it's January, and only the 5th day, but I'm already completely over it. New Year, Shmew Year. I want out.

I was driving home yesterday after two unbelievably bad days and I started thinking about what the rest of the month was going to be like when I remembered how much I just hate January, and it's a combination of multiple things really.

One: It's winter.

And I don't care where you are, it's not the fun kind of winter. Yes, there is fun in winter. When a chill is in the air and you need to wear a scarf, but the sun's still out and the leaves are falling...and it's still like fall, just a little colder...that's good winter. When you live in snow country and the snow is falling lightly and frosting the trees...that's good winter. January winter is crap. It's cold, it's gray, there's very little sun and here in California, it's rainy. Yuck.

Two: It's after the holidays and usually after some time off work.

For me this year, I was off for about a week and a half and enjoyed not even thinking about work during that time. Going back to work after time off is always hard, but when it's also after celebrating Christmas and ringing in the New Year, probably seeing friends and family and catching up on your life, it's even worse. In fact, it's depressing. Christmas decorations are coming down, de-festive-izing everything, and the bills are coming in for all the gifts you gave. And you were happy to give the gifts of course, but paying the bills is crap. Maybe this is why I leave my trees up a long time. I can't stand for my house to suddenly go back to its normal state. I need some of the joy to linger.

Three: It's the month leading up to my birthday.

And don't get me wrong, I truly have no issue with my age and am more than happy to tell you what I'm turning if you ask me nicely, but there's just something about birthdays, at least for me, that make me think about everythng I'm doing in my life and wonder if I'm on the right path. This can naturally be a bit melancholy and just adds to the blah that is January.

Also, January is a long month and most people don't get Martin Luther King, Jr. Day off. I'm one of the lucky ones that does, but even that isn't enough to make me like January. I hadn't really put this all together until yesterday but that's really what's going on here. Bottom line: I just hate January. I just didn't realize it was going to knock me over so badly this year...staffing issues, bad traffic, forgot my purse at home, overslept, Sharks lost, Stanford and Ohio State won...I could go on, but I have to stop listing the things that happened in the last two days or I'll actually hurt someone.

I'm trying to figure out how to have a truce with January since there are so many days left in it, but so far, I've come up empty. It's possible that a trip to the mall will help, and Yahoo tells me it's supposed to be 60 degrees and sunny today. I'm certain that will help. My bills are all paid, and my trees are still twinkling, so I'm going to hang in there, but if I had the choice, I'd punch January right in the face and move right on to February.

Do You Know What Your Dreams Are?

2011-01-02T07:41:00.000-08:00

“Maybe no one can make your dreams come true because you don’t know what they are.”

I heard this line in a Lifetime movie recently and it keeps coming back to me. What are my dreams? What do I really want out of this life? If someone asked me those questions and honestly wanted to know, I really don’t think I could answer them. Could you?

As we start the new year, I keep coming back to this and I realize that I've never really set goals or said "this is where I want to be in so many years". I was never one of those people that said when/if I wanted to be married by a certain year, or do this by a certain age, so when I get to a certain age I'm not sure if I've reached what I should be reaching or not.

In some ways I think this is a good thing because I don't fail at not reaching something, but then I wonder if I'm just wandering around this life aimlessly because I've not put something out in front to strive for.

But even now, as I think about this and contemplate setting goals or defining what my dreams are, I really can't do it. I don't have a big birthday coming up this year, but I have one in two years and it seems like I should be able to say what I'd like to be doing or where I'd like to be by the time it comes along, but I just can't. There's absolutely nothing in me that points to some ideal place I want to be when that time comes.

Is this normal? Have I gone insane?

Television and movies and books seem to tell us that we should have these kinds of goals, that we should define what our dreams are and go after them. Magazine articles list for us the things we should do before a certain age - "30 Things You Must Do Before You're 30", that sort of thing. And should we just assume we're failures if we haven't done those things by the time we're 30? Or even 40?

I'm not sure most of my friends have goals and lists they're striving for. I don't know if they have dreams of who they want to be. If they have, it's never something we've talked about. Sure, a lot of them have said they want to be married by such-and-such an age, but for most of them, they aren't defined by that and I don't think they feel like they've failed if they aren't married by that age. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they all do have these kinds of goals and dreams and it's just something they keep private and work toward on their own.

I don't know that this is actually bothering me, but it's certainly making me think. And that's always a dangerous thing...

Happy New Year everyone. If you have these sorts of dreams, I truly do hope they all come true.

Just another fabulous night with Todd Carey

2010-12-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

This is a follow up to a post I did back in August after seeing Todd Carey play live for the first time. I was lucky enough to get to see him again tonight, and once again, he was fantastic!

When I found out I had a work meeting in Philadelphia, I decided to take a few extra days and originally planned to go to New York. However, when Todd announced his December tour and I saw this date in DC, I decided to take my extra days here. Todd and I tweeted back and forth after I posted that I got a ticket, and I was thrilled when he promised to play my favorite song...Photograph.

So, the weeks passed, and finally, I was headed East. I got to Philly on Wednesday, had my work stuff on Thursday and Friday, and then played in Philly on Saturday - checked out some Flyers hockey, which was fun...very different than the Sharks games I'm used to, but still good. No fights though, which was frankly, a little disappointing.

Anyway...this morning (Sunday) I boarded a train to DC. Before the concert, I actually had some other fun...toured the National Postal Museum and ran into an old friend from WVU in Union Station. We had fun catching up and then I came back to the hotel to rest up for the night.

My journey to The Red Palace - a very cool venue by the way - started fine. I got a cab, and despite the tone of the cab driver, we got on our way. About $4.00 in, I realized I'd left my ticket in the room. I nearly died. That is so unlike me! So, I asked him to take me back to the hotel, paid him, came back in, got the ticket, made a visit to the ATM and then got another cab. And oy. The second cab driver was seriously the slowest driver on the planet and took us down the world's worst road. I felt so car sick by the time I arrived that I had to get a Sprite to settle my stomach. But then they let us upstairs, and shortly thereafter, the music started.

The concert kicked off with Isaac Russell, someone I'd never heard of, but definitely enjoyed. Next came Josh Hoge (that's him in the photo to the left) and I'd heard a lot of his music and liked it, but hadn't seen him live. He was great! And funny! I will definitely see him again. Todd was the final act of the evening, and as usual, his music was great, and his stage presence fantastic. He played a couple of new tunes, a couple of really fun covers - including a crazy one of C-Lo's latest, and then played a number of old ones. But no Photograph. I was bummed, but figured it just didn't work with his set, and that was fine. It was all still so good!

Afterward, I went back and chatted with him for a long time at the merch booth, got a new picture taken, which yes, looks suspiciously like the last one, but whatever! When I told him I was bummed he didn't play Photograph, he offered to play it for me, and I honestly didn't think he was serious, but he said if I could hang out for a bit, he'd play it. I had absolutely no problem hanging out!

While he chatted with others, I met Josh and chatted with other Josh and Todd fans, and then the bartender said we had to go. I made my way back to Todd figuring Photograph wasn't going to happen, but I was incorrect. He said he'd do an abbreviated version for me, and I was more than good with that. He pulled out his acoustic and started to tune when Steph, the gal manning his merch table and probably more than that - she rocked too! - said she was already in trouble for not getting him out already. That's when he said, "Okay, let's go to the green room." So, we went to the green room, and he played Photograph for me, and OMG. It was freaking awesome, and I will never forget it.

Once again, Todd gave me a great night of music, and I only wish I could see him more often. As you might guess, I'm having a hard time getting to sleep. It's well after 1am here on the East coast, yet here I sit telling you all about my night of joy.

Todd, you completely rock!!

(Note: A few videos from the evening are posted here...enjoy!)

When I think of home...

2010-11-23T21:12:00.000-08:00

Home is where the heart is.

There's no place like home.

Home sweet home.

Someone asked me today if I was going home for Thanksgiving and I told her no, that I was staying here. But then I got to thinking about it later in the day and realized that this IS home. I don't have another home to go to. I go to visit my parents, but neither of them live in the house, or even the town, I grew up in.

So then I started to wonder when it is that you stop "going home" and start just "visiting" your parents/family. It's probably different for everyone, but it seems like it happens when you really feel settled in whatever place it is that you live or when your parents no longer live in the house/town you grew up in.

I guess for me, it's both. My dad left my home town of Laramie several years ago and my mom hasn't lived there for years. Going to visit either of them doesn't mean going home. It means going to their new houses in Colorado. Every day when I leave work I say that I'm going home. Clearly, that's my home here in California; the one I pay rent for; the one where all my stuff is; and the one I can't imagine moving from.

This...is home.

What does home mean to you? Is it where you live? Is it where you grew up or where your family lives? Thinking about all of this reminded me of two of my all-time favorite songs...enjoy them below and let me know what home means to you...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Destination: Usher

2010-11-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

When I found out that Usher was coming to Oakland I got very excited as I'd always wanted to see him in concert. I asked a friend if he wanted to join me and he agreed readily - although he would like you to believe I twisted his arm and had to convince him to go, that's just simply untrue. Anyway...on with the story...

Our adventure began at the Hayward Wingstop. There was nothing inherently bizarre about it to start with...we ordered, sat down, watched a lot of people come and go then finally got our wings. After we'd started eating a girl strolled in, pulled a cell phone charger out of her bag, plugged it in and sat down at a table. And then the fun began. She started singing along - badly I might point out - with whatever music was playing, and then she started talking to someone on the phone. And wow. She was a treat. Here are some snippets of the conversation with her mother. Yeah. HER MOM!

"So are you gonna come and get me or what? I'm at the Wingstop. Because I got angry and left. I don't let him treat me like I'm one of his ho's."

Oh yeah. She also threw down the N word a couple of times...as in, "He's my N...and something something MFN..."

Super Special.

She left shortly after and we could only shake our heads.

We then headed to BART to begin our actual journey to Oakland. That's where we saw this little guy...and a smaller friend of his darting underneath the tracks:

So yeah. Before we even left Hayward, we got the Wingstop Ho and the BART mini mouse.

We got to Oakland without any real adventure on BART, but then we began our walk to the arena. Wow. The outfits, the attitude, the boys trying to pick up on the girls as they walked by, the pre-concert tailgating...it was all a treat. I was never so excited to get to my seat in my life.

Side Note: The Oracle Arena in Oakland is the absolute worst place to see a concert. I don't know why I keep giving it a chance, but I think this was it for me. It's a horrible design and I'm certain if there was an earthquake or a fire, we would have died inside.

Anyway...the concert started right on time, 5 minutes early actually, with Miguel. I'd heard of him before the show but didn't really know anything by him. Wow. He was just not good. At all. I took one picture...enjoy.

The crowd was ridiculous...people sitting in seats that weren't theirs, someone actually smoking, people standing on the stairs, blocking aisles and generally being annoying. Seriously. We would have died had there been any sort of emergency.

Next up was Trey Songz, and he was fantastic! I'd heard a number of his songs and liked him from those, but he proved a great performer who could actually sing!

We really enjoyed him, but the crowd continued to annoy, drenching my friend in beer from behind. Not yay. Finally, an usher (not THE Usher, but an arena worker) cleared people out to prepare for the main event, but we were already a bit annoyed.

When Usher finally did arrive, he made quite an entrance, complete with theatrics and a flying platform. There's no question that he can sing and wow, can he dance, and when he did those things, he was great. He played most of my favorites and definitely knows how to put on a show. What I didn't bargain for though was the simulated sex scene on stage with the microphone stand and then a woman. I mean really. It was just so not necessary and it rather tainted the rest of the show. Overall he was good, but I was just disappointed that he had to resort to that when he could just sing and dance and be awesome. Anyway, I'm glad I finally got to see him, but I don't think that I need to do that again.

Two more concerts this year and I can assure you they will be vastly different than this one: Lifehouse w/Kris Allen, then Todd Carey w/Josh Hoge. Until then...

Next stop? World Series.

2010-10-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT!

That's right. It actually happened. For the first time since 2002, the San Francisco Giants are headed to the World Series. There was a chance that they'd be playing the New York Yankees, but that dream ended yesterday and it's probably better for my brain. If I had to choose, my head might have actually exploded.

I only made it to four Giants games this year, but I watched many more on TV and suffered through the torture with thousands, probably millions, of other Giants fans. I was at the home opener in April and at the final regular season home game in October when they clinched the division. So much awesomeness!!

I love baseball. Always have. I've been a Yankee fan pretty much my whole life so seeing them lose yesterday was heart wrenching, but even I will admit that it's nice to see some different teams in the final series, especially when one of them is my other love, the Giants.

I was a pure American League fan until I moved to California, but I quickly glommed onto the Giants. It helped that one of my favorite players, Barry Bonds, played there, and for a while, I was mainly cheering for him; my heart was still in the AL. And then, I got hooked. I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but I'm a full-fledged Giants fan now, and I hope this trip to the World Series turns out better than the last.

LET'S GO GIANTS!!!!!!

Are you brave?

2010-09-26T13:06:00.000-07:00

I came across this article this morning:

What's the bravest thing you've ever done?

It's really a question posed by Real Simple, with its readers answering, and it got me thinking about how I might answer it. And honestly, I couldn't come up with anything.

I've never considered myself a brave person. It's not that I'm un-brave, I just don't think I do anything that takes real bravery. Sure, I drive on 880 in the Bay Area every day, and some would say that makes me brave. Some would say that moving to California by myself was brave. Some would say that just living here makes me brave, but when I read some of these answers, I knew I had nothing on these people.

...sold everything and moved to a new opportunity in Hawaii.

...left my first husband.

...skydive.

...zip-lining.

...get out of the World Trade Center alive on 9/11/01.

These things took REAL bravery. I can't honestly say I've done anything even close to them, and now I'm wondering if I've missed out on amazing opportunities. I'm certainly blessed to not have to sell everything and find a new opportunity, but what if the blessing is in the selling and exploring? How does the person feel that got out of the WTC all those years ago? Do they feel blessed? How many friends did they lose that day? I've had more than one friend leave a spouse, and they certainly displayed a lot of bravery in doing so. I'm pretty sure you couldn't pay me enough to skydive or zip-line, but if someone ever got me to do one of those things, I might be able to answer this question more adequately.

But then I started thinking that maybe being brave isn't about doing something spectacular or life-changing. Maybe it's about just being alive and taking small chances here and there, not just sitting at home like a slug. Maybe it's as simple as saying hello to someone on the street that you don't know, buying breakfast for a homeless person, sitting next to someone on the train when there's an empty seat across the way or simply smiling at a cute boy across the room. I'm not saying I've done all of these things, but aren't these a tiny slice of bravery too?

Webster's defines brave as "having or showing courage", and I think there are a lot of ways that we all do this every day. It takes courage some days to just get out of bed and move. It takes courage to tell someone you love them; even more to tell them that you don't. It takes courage to tell someone you'll miss them when they're gone and even more to survive the days after they leave. And yeah, I guess it does take courage to get behind the wheel every day and face the crazy drivers on the road.

So, at the end of my discussions with myself, I guess I've realized that I'm actually a lot braver than I originally thought.

Who knew the doctor's office and pharmacy could be so entertaining?

2010-09-23T19:21:00.000-07:00

While in San Francisco this week I was lucky enough to get my standard conference cold. Oh, the joy. Thankfully, my doctor was able to see me this afternoon and prescribe antibiotics and Codeine cough syrup. I'm definitely looking forward to sleeping through the night and getting exponentially better very soon. But of course, you know that's not why I'm writing...you know that nothing about me going to the doctor and the pharmacy could be that boring...

So, in a very unlike me fashion, I was 3 minutes late to the doctor's office and feeling a bit frantic in addition to dizzy and coughy and just basically icky. There were a few people in the office, and I began to write my name on the sign-in list as the nurse behind the counter talked loudly on the phone. While I was writing, she closed the glass causing a vase to fall - which I caught quickly. Clearly she closed the glass so no one could hear her call, but really, have you SEEN those glass windows? First of all, they don't completely close, and second of all, you can still hear everything a person is saying behind them. In this case, we heard the following:

"Scrotum? That's the name of the medicine? I've never heard of that. OH! No, I know what it is. [laughter] I thought you meant that was the name of the medicine. Okay..."

Others in the waiting room snickered, as did I, and then the conversation continued after she hung up...this little gem was offered to her fellow nurse or office worker:

"[laughter] Of course I know what a scrotum is. I've seen my husband's. And my dog's."

Seriously. I could NOT make this up. And yeah, I never expected to type that word once, much less twice...

While I continued to wait, I, and everyone else in the waiting room, got to hear a doctor basically ream out the same nurse for not calling on something. I felt really bad for her. I mean, we all make mistakes, but geez, it was completely unprofessional for this guy to be telling her about it when we could clearly all hear.

Finally, I got into the doctor's office and got my prescriptions, nothing extraordinary there, and then as I was leaving overheard the following:

"Okay, so you'll need to pee in the cup..."

I mean, is there no privacy in this place? Goodness.

I journeyed to the pharmacy where I turned in my prescriptions and waited. That's when I heard a song by The Outfield. Oh yes. The Outfield.

Remember this one?

Wow. That took me WAY back. I strolled around the store as I listened then made my way back to the pharmacy to wait for my prescriptions. That's when the possibly inebriated, slightly scary man showed up. I'm not clear if he knew the guy behind the counter or not, but he walked up and did the fist bump thing with him, including saying "boom" and opening his hand after the bump. Wow. Then he proceeded to tell the guy his doctor had sent him an email telling him he'd taken care of everything as far as getting a prescription filled. Seemed normal enough, but the CVS guy couldn't find anything in the system, and the guy started to get agitated. He was seriously freaking out that the meds weren't there, and the poor guy told him he could call the doctor...even suggested that maybe they sent the prescription to another pharmacy. The guy was adamant that that just wasn't possible. The conversation went back and forth for five minutes or more until the poor CVS guy said he'd send the office a fax and see if they had any information. As the guy was ready to walk away he was muttering..."Yeah, it's supposed to be 90...it's gettin' bad..."

Special.

I finally got my meds and while waiting for the pharmacy consult, the gal who'd taken my info to start with turned to me and asked if I went to Westgate Church. Wow. Small tiny world.

By the time I got back to the car, I was exhausted from all the adventure and made my way home after getting some food. Now I'm full of chicken, taters and antibiotics and more than ready to get this day over with. I can only imagine what might happen tomorrow...

Happy Birthday Mr. Hawkins

2010-09-14T14:08:00.000-07:00

In April of this year, when I was visiting my dear friend Tasha in Chicago, I got into a conversation with another friend, Mr. Hawkins, about my lack of passport ownership. Mr. Hawkins, being an actual world traveler couldn't believe I didn't have one and began his campaign to make me get one. I laughed. Ha ha. Very funny. Aren't you cute? Here's what happened next:

Ha ha. Very funny. Then:

Sucking Tasha into the campaign was just plain dirty.

Uh huh. Okay. As Tasha's wedding celebration approached, I got this little gem:

Then it just went all crazy (read from the bottom of this one up):

So now there's the birthday threat...

and the throwing of the "go to London" gauntlet.

DIRTY POOL MY FRIENDS!!!

And finally, in response to me saying something nice about Coldplay:

So.

Without further ado.

And just for you Mr. Hawkins.

On the day before your birthday.

And a little for you Ms. Alexander.

Here's what happened this afternoon:

I took something from here:

And something from here:

Completed this:

Signed my name in front of a witness...wrote a check...and got this confirmation:

And, in 4-6 weeks, I should get this:

Happy now?

Where were you?

2010-09-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

I remember getting ready for work that morning, watching TV as I always did in the morning and the news breaking in to say a plane had hit one of the towers. I remember watching the footage and hearing the newscasters speculate as to how a plane might have done that. I remember not thinking much about it at all. And then I remember watching the second plane hit the other tower and realizing, along with the rest of the country, that something was very wrong.

As I drove to work, I listened to the continuing news and felt a pit forming in my stomach. By the time I got to work I was completely unfocused. I remember seeing my boss in his office...he hadn't heard about it. I got into my office and put the CNN feed on my computer and learned about the attack at the Pentagon and the crash in Pennsylvania. And then I saw the towers start to fall and was completely stunned. People were starting to arrive at work by that time and everyone was in a bit of a daze.

Around noon, we were sent home, and I remember not wanting to go and actually arguing with my boss about it. He said I didn't have a choice so I reluctantly left. At that time they were very concerned about other targets, one of which was the Transamerica Building in San Francisco, just an hour north of us. They were also concerned about other airports and I guess they thought people wouldn't be able to work anyway, so it made sense to just send us all home.

I remember wondering what the next few days might be like and if there might be another attack closer to us. I went to the grocery store, and it was a very surreal experience. I felt like I should have food in case there was another attack. I talked to my parents while I was in the store, but I don't really remember much of the conversation. We were all in shock and happy we were all safe. The mood in the store was quiet, and while I can't really articulate it now, I do remember thinking it was just about the strangest thing I'd ever seen or felt.

I spent the rest of the day like most of the country did, watching the news, seeing the repeated images of the horror and then seeing the faces of the friends and families and neighbors of those who lost their lives. I'm sure none of us will soon forget the courage of the rescue personnel diving into the rubble and smoke and unknown to find life. It was the American spirit and human nature at its best, combating human nature at its worst.

In the days and weeks that followed, as images continued to radiate from my TV screen, I was never more proud to be an American, and I was never more unnerved. It was unfathomable to me, still is, how individuals could so freely take lives. But all these years later, it is clear that what they really took, was a big chunk of our freedom. And I suppose that was their point.

The most vivid memory I have of the terror attacks in 2001 actually came about a week after they happened. I had a meeting in Southern California and boarded a plane just a few days after they started flying again. It was a trip I'd taken many times in the past, but it was altogether different that day. The airport was eerie in its quietness, and there were very few people flying. Few words were spoken. When I boarded, the Southwest gate attended handed me a sticker that said "Thanks for flying". I got on the plane, got situated and leaned against the window where I fell asleep shortly after takeoff. What I will never forget is the feeling I got when I woke up, not far from Los Angeles.

I was overcome with emotion as we approached our destination. All I could think about was the folks on the planes that had been hijacked and what they must have thought when they realized they weren't headed in the right direction. I wondered if anyone had been sleeping and woke up and saw a tower, or the Pentagon and what they must have thought. I don't think I'll ever be that happy to see LAX again, but that day, it was the best thing I'd ever seen. As we landed, I wiped the tears from my eyes and thanked God for keeping me safe. I was wholly unprepared for that moment and will never, ever forget it.

Since then I've flown hundreds of times and have never once felt that same emotion, I guess I never will. But even now, as I think back on that moment, I feel the tears in my eyes and am taken right back to it.

It's clear now that nothing will ever be the same as it was prior to that day in September all those years ago. And I guess there's both good and bad in that.

(Memorable photo above by Thomas E. Franklin/The Bergen Record)

Baseball, College Football, Hockey...what more could a girl want?

2010-09-09T18:17:00.000-07:00

IT IS TIME!!!

These arrived at my house today, and I can't really articulate in words how excited I am for the hockey season to start. We were bitterly disappointed again last season, even though we did get further than the several years prior. We wanted more. Now, with new goalies, maybe we can get it. It feels like the Sharks are everywhere in the community these days...for some reason I think this is a sign of good things to come. I realize it makes no sense. I don't care. Seeing Sharks is good. All good.

Recent Sightings:

Joe Pavelski in the Sharks store during the playoff run
Patrick Marleau at dinner in Los Gatos in July
Ryane Clowe at the same hair place a friend goes to (also in Los Gatos I believe)

And as if that weren't enough, college football kicked off last week and I was 3 for 4 on the first full Saturday of play. And honestly, I don't really feel too bad about the team that lost because they were playing the #1 ranked team in the country. Way to get 3 points SJSU!! More games are on tap this weekend and in the near future I'll get to see some of the boys play in person.

And oh by the way, way to bring it Boise State!!

There's just really nothing like college football for me. There is so much emotion tied up in it, especially when my two alma maters take the field. They can give me more heartache and joy than pretty much anything else. Let's Go Devils! Mountaineers! Cowboys! Spartans!

And lest you forget, we're in the final days of the major league baseball season and I'm finding myself hanging on every pitch on two different coasts. The Giants, as usual, are so close I can almost taste the playoff home run dog, but the gap just doesn't seem to be getting any smaller. And the Yankees never cease to cause me agita. While they are more likely to be in the playoffs than the Giants, there are no guarantees today. They don't have a magic number listed yet, and until they do, I take nothing for granted. It's fun though, and I look forward to seeing what happens in the next few weeks.

I know you thought all I did was go to concerts...well, there was only ONE of those in September, so I have to find some other way to spend my time and money. :-)

If only every Tuesday could be Todd Carey Tuesday...

2010-08-31T23:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight I got to meet an amazing musician who I've been dying to see live for about two years. This was his first time playing San Francisco, and I am SO glad I was able to go. Believe me when I say, Todd Carey completely and totally ROCKS. If you have not heard his music, go listen now!!

I first met Todd via Facebook about two years ago. He saw that I was a fan of Matt Nathanson (no surprise to regular readers of this blog!) and thought I might like his music so he sent me a friend request...and after listening to about 8 seconds of one song, I accepted his request and bought his first album - Watching Waiting. I fell in love with his voice, his lyrics, his music...all of it. And I wore those songs out! And then I watched. And I waited. Hoping he would come to the Bay Area to share his music in person. But alas, my hopes were never realized.

Earlier this spring, Todd put out an EP, and started promoting a lot of live shows. I bought the EP as soon as it was available and fell in love once again. The new stuff was just as good, if not better, than the first, and I was really getting cranky that I hadn't yet seen him live. When he started posting shows online, I got excited...thinking that maybe, just maybe, he'd make an appearance in the Bay Area. And once again I watched...and I waited...

And I had a moment of excitement when he posted a show in Chicago, only to realize it was the day BEFORE I was scheduled to arrive for a friend's wedding festivities. I posted a note on his Facebook page saying how bummed I was to miss it and he kindly suggested I just change my ticket. Funny. But, I did look into it...too much money. Foiled. Then, I missed him by just a few days when I was in New York earlier this year. Not pleased.

BUT...

After I lamented via Facebook and Twitter about missing him in Chicago and New York (and about missing out on the super secret summer single, which, omg, I just realized I STILL didn't get!!), he messaged me that he would inDEED be coming to San Francisco later in the year, so I checked his list of dates and made a plan.

Cafe du Nord - August 31. YES.

I was kinda bummed when I realized he was the opener for two other artists because I knew that meant he wouldn't be playing a long set, but I didn't care. I was going to go no matter what. So, I asked a good friend to go with me, he agreed and off we went.

It's always nice for me to have an event in San Francisco after work because I get to leave early. That's just never a bad thing. I faced the evil San Mateo bridge, picked up my friend, and we made our way north where we began our evening with an excellent dinner at Chow. YUM-MY!! We then headed to the venue and waited for the doors to open. We were a little disappointed that the doorman didn't even look at our IDs and just slapped on the over 21 bracelet things, but we moved on, found a place to sit while we waited, watched and got ready for the event. At 8pm, pretty much on the nose, Todd came on stage and wow. He did not disappoint! I wanted more-more-MORE! Seriously.

So Stinking Good.

He played about six songs and had a great stage presence and good interaction with the audience. Cafe du Nord is one of the coolest places to see a live show because it's a very small venue and no matter where you stand you can see the stage - even if you're short like me! The only other time I was there I saw Train, and it really does spoil you from seeing shows in bigger venues. I really think every one I like should play there at least once so I can have the up close and personal experience with all of them too. Just a suggestion...

Anyway...my friend and I made our way to the merchandise table after Todd finished his set and waited for him to come back to greet fans. I'd read over and over how nice he was and didn't ever doubt that based on our online chatting. Let me just say that Todd scored HUGE points for recognizing me and knowing my name. Wow. I mean, the man has thousands of Facebook friends and thousands of people following him on Twitter. I was very impressed. We had a lovely chat and I can honestly say he is one of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet.

I truly hope he makes it back out this way soon for a headlining tour so we can see and hear more of him because he was absolutely outstanding. And as you all know, I do get to my fair share of of concerts, so I know of which I speak. We listened to the second act for a bit, but honestly, it was a bit of a letdown after Todd's set so we headed home after saying a final goodbye and wishing him well on the rest of his California tour.

Hands down one of the best nights I've had in a while: dinner with a great friend, a great evening of music and great conversation with a rising star. Todd Carey...so happy to finally see you play live and meet you in person. You were, in a word, AWESOME. Please come back soon!!!

PS: Videos being posted...find them on YouTube soon...

And then the drunk girl fell on me...

2010-08-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

You just never know what you're going to find at a concert. Hopefully you'll find some great music and maybe a cute guy to sit next to who didn't happen to come with a cute girl - yeah, that's never actually happened to me. I'm just saying it might be something you HOPE happens. Maybe you'll find yourself shaking hands with the lead singer of your favorite band - yes, that did happen to me - or capturing a fun moment with film. What you hope you don't find is Drunky McDrunkerson suddenly appearing and attempting to sing and dance before falling on you. No. You hope to never find that.

I took in the Green River Ordinance / Switchfoot / Goo Goo Dolls show last night in Concord at the Sleep Train Pavilion. I'd never been there before and wow, it's WAY the heck out there. I thought the CSU East Bay Concord campus was far, but this is beyond that! FAR!

So things gets started and Green River Ordinance was great - my first time seeing them - and Switchfoot rocked our faces off like they always do - my 10th time seeing them. Seriously. Full on ROCK SHOW!!! No one was sitting next to me during GRO, but then a couple of teenage boys showed up for the 'foot, and they were perfectly nice - good, clean cut Switchfoot fans. And we watched. And we rocked. And then they left but returned for Goo Goo Dolls. And the Goo rocked - 3rd time seeing them - as they always do, and everything was going great.

And then the drunk girl fell on me...

I'm not exactly sure where she came from, but my seat was on the end of the aisle in the front row of the section, and next to me, was a fairly big open space that led up the stairs. That's where she materialized, and at first, she was just taking some pictures or video and sort of swaying to the music. It seemed rather normal.

And then...she fell...right into me, stepping on my foot in the process, dropping her camera, her big giant bag and whatever she was drinking - thankfully nothing spilled...probably because she already drank it all. So she crawled around on the ground trying to collect the crap that fell out of her bag and the kid next to me asked if he wanted me to get someone, and I told him we probably should, but then she popped back up like nothing happened and we both asked her if she's okay and she just smiles. And wow. She is DRUNK.

So we watched her as she took video of the stage and then, sort of leaned back and pointed the camera toward the sky and then the ground and back to the stage and wow. I can just imagine what her videos of the night must look like. And all along she's singing along - BADLY, and the teenagers and I are trying not to laugh because while it was totally sad that someone would let themselves get that drunk, it was also a little bit funny.

Between songs Drunky started whispering to me...something about being in love with someone for 11 years - maybe Johnny, the lead singer of the Goo, not sure - and how she'd been waiting forever for that night. And then she thrust her camera into my hands and leaned back against the rail like she wants me to take her picture. Yeah. I couldn't even figure out how to turn it on, but amazingly, she figured that out and so, I took a couple of pictures. She says, "I trust you. You're my girl." Oooookay. Sure. Why not?

And then, I'm pretty sure she took some pictures of us sitting in the front row. That'll be fun for her later.

Her drunken videography, singing and swaying continued and more than once she dropped the camera. And oh yeah, she fell again too. Right into me. Again. At one point she just sat down, and I honestly couldn't believe no security folks came by during this whole episode. They'd been everywhere earlier in the night, but no. They were nowhere to be found.

When the concert ended, she dropped the bottles that probably contained her drinks of choice and wandered away. The kid sitting next to me was actually really nice, asking me if I was okay, and then I saw them pick up her containers and take them to her- and I think he actually took some video of Drunky, which I thought was hilarious. Before I left, I saw her in the bathroom and was thankful that she'd found her friends and that they didn't seem to be in the same shape she was. This girl could barely stand up, and while she did provide some entertainment, in the end, I just felt sad for her.

I don't drink. I've never had anything alcoholic to drink. I'm not opposed to it, but I don't understand the excess of it. It seems perfectly fine to have a glass of wine or two, or maybe some sort of mixed drink or a beer, but I just don't get why you'd want to get so drunk that you don't even remember what you did. Or so drunk that you actually hurt yourself or someone else. I've seen numerous people in this state in my life and it's never made any sense. I get that people make stupid decisions, especially when they're young and think they're invincible, and maybe that's all this was. Maybe she woke up this morning with a wicked hangover and looked at her pictures and video and realized how bad off she was and vowed to never do it again. Maybe her friends told her what an idiot she was and how dangerous what she was doing was. Maybe she woke up thinking, "Hey. I wonder if that girl I fell on is okay?"

Maybe...